When Dreams Die

Hold Fast To Your Dreams,
For If Dreams Die,
Life Is A Broken-Winged Bird
That Cannot Fly...

The tourament starts in one hour. The tournament. The reason why I came out here. Exciting day today, only I'm not in it.

Words cannot describe my dissatisfaction. Oh, there's always next year... whatev. Soothes as much as "you can still adopt." Even knowing I finished top 100 in the ladies world championship doesn't assuage my grief.

What hurts the most is that I believed. I did all I could do, but throughout, I maintained a solid belief that I would make it, that I was worthy. Even until I went to bed last night, I kept alive the hope of pulling through miracle #3... but it was not to be.

Once again, we fall short and find ourselves at square one. Don't tell me I aim too high; my goals are not beyond my abilities. Hillary didn't win either, you think she'd feel better if you told her the country just wasn't ready for a woman president? No. She was ready, capable, and willing.

R.I.P. WSOP Dream... it was fun while it lasted.

What Failure Looks Like

Notes From The Universe

Q: Clio, what would you call a world where each challenge bears gifts, your enemies are ancient friends in disguise, and by simply pretending your dreams have already come true mountains are moved?

A: Earth.

Too easy?
The Universe

PS - What would you call a Being who is as ancient as they are young, as clever as they are innocent, as powerful as they are humble, and who is inevitably destined to Win the World Series of Poker Main Event? Clio S...... Duh?

Find a way, Clio, whether through asking or praying, imagining or pretending, broiling or baking, to constantly remind yourself that I am always at your side, armed to the teeth with love, able to shock and delight, and probably, haute couture from head to toe.

$1,500 No-Limit Hold'em Bracelet Event (#27)

Live WSOP Updates!

Starting now, and all day, and tomorrow, and Monday, I'll be blogging from my phone, sending up-to-the-significant event reports. (You can take the girl out of the geek but you can't out-geek a girl like me!)

Tournament #2 is a $1.5K No-Limit Hold'em Bracelet Event... wish me luck!

xoxo,
Clio

Where I Am
There were lots of players! 2,700 of them! So many, I wasn't even seated in the main room, but rather in a satellite room... they even used another room beyond this to house all the players!

With the ticket bought and an hour to go, it was time to stuff myself full of a high-quality protein source... mmm... breakfast!

And They're Off!
For this tournament, we get 3,000 chips... here's what that looks like.

The First Two Hours
Not much exciting happened for the first two hours. I mixed it up a couple of times, went up, then down, then up again where I stayed, patiently waiting for a hand.

Finally, pocket Kings on the button with a guy across the table raising 800 preflop. I call.

Flop comes King, King, Ten giving me quad kings! I look weak. He bets 1,600 into me, I hem and haw, frown, and finally call. (Teehee)

Turn comes an Ace, he checks, I check quickly.

River is another Ten, he checks, I twirl my hair and make look like I'm trying to think about bluffing. Finally, after what seemed like enough time to muster the courage, I bet all-in. He thinks about it for just a few seconds then calls. Where's my Oscar? ;)


The Second Two Hours
Didn't play one hand for two hours. I did play the last hand of the level with Seven-Eight in the big blind and three other players. The flop was Five, Six, Jack and I bet 1,000 into a 1,000 pot and took it down. We were then moved (finally) into the main event room.

At the end of four hours of play, I was just a bit behind the chip average of 5,600 with 4,500.

The Next Five Minutes
We played one hand and then the table got broken up. I got moved to the 'old' tables... the first ten tables in the tournament. I'd be here until the final table.

I get Ace-Jack clubs, in the big blind, blinds are 150 and 300 with a 50 ante and I have 5,400 chips left when a little stack raises all-in 1,500 more.

There's 2,600 in the pot already, I stare him down and figure him for a steal, maybe King-Jack or something like that. He's worried I'm considering a call. I make a decision to play... after all, you can't win if you don't play, and I was a long way from the money at this point.

I call, he shows King-Queen. I have the best hand at this point, but I'm just a 60-40 favorite. No matter, I was getting two chips for every chip bet, so, it was a good bet.

Flop comes Jack, Six, Three giving me a pair of Jacks. Now I'm an 80-20 favorite. Turn comes an Eight, now I'm an 85-15 favorite. River comes a Queen and I'm out $2,000. Unlucky.

Two hands go by, and I have Ace-Nine diamonds on the button. A fella across from me raises 600, he too seems weak, so I call with a pretty good heads-up hand.

Flop comes Nine-Nine-Seven. I have trip nines with an Ace kicker! He proceeds to bet me all in; he's got lots of chips. What am I supposed to do, fold? I call, he shows Queen-Eight.

Now, in non-poker terms, that's called absofcukinglutely nothing. I'm a 95% favorite to win. The only way he can beat me is by getting a double-inside straight draw (the guy to my right folded a Queen).

Turn comes Ten, River comes Jack, he gets a runner-runner straight and I go home in 975th place. I'm physically ill.

The whole table was aghast. They all knew I should now have nearly 10,000 chips, and in a rare show of poker sympathy, they tried to console me. Whatev, stupid and lucky wins again.

Afterthoughts
I still feel ill. It's times like this when I question the wisdom of my recent endeavors. Did I play too fast? There's an argument for that. I didn't have to call a double-big-blind bet with Ace-Nine suited on the button just because I sensed weakness. I didn't have to call the short stacks' all-in bet. I had the best hand in both cases, but didn't have much money in the pot with either call, so it would have been easy to get away from them. But no... I played the people. How could I not? I didn't play a hand for 2 hours while I watched these yahoos raise pre-flop and everyone else fold. I know they're getting sloppy and just bluffing.

I hate it when I'm right and I still lose. I was making sick reads too, really on top of my game, except for that part about being really unlucky. And so yet again, for the umpteenth time a poker player mutters, "I'd rather be lucky than good."

Googled

Clio's on her way to making her mark!

After the ladies tournament, her name in lights:

• The official WSOP site
• ESPN
• CardPlayer
• PokerProp
• Poker Verdict
• The Hendon Mob

Wow! All that for finishing in the money. Granted, it's just a mention in the prize payouts, and on one site, I'm the only one listed without a city or state of residence! LOL, perhaps the poker gypsie moniker is taking hold?

I think we've dissipated all the energy from the first event... time focus on the next one! :)

Keeping The Dream Alive

With the Ladies tournament under my skirt, so to speak, the big question is what next? We can take the money and run, or we can invest in ourselves, using the winnings to buy-in to another bracelet event.

Steve Miller's option is the safe bet, for like Matt Damon said in Rounders, "we can pay Grandma off and..." no, not that part, after that he said, "you can't lose what you don't put in the middle."

"But you can't win much either."

Or, as Clio Soleil once said, "If you won't invest in yourself, who will?"

Saturday, June 14th, we play in the $1,500 buy-in No-Limit Hold'em Tournament!

He Called Me Baby!

Ladies World Championship No-Limit Holdem

It was a beautiful Sunday morning in the valley, just like the all the others. This Sunday, however was special, for today was the Ladies World Championship No-Limit Holdem event at the Rio!

I wake up before the alarm goes off, get ready, and by 11am, I'm $1,000 lighter and registered for the tournament along with 1,190 other women!

The first day is pretty gruelling: 2 solid hours of play, a 20-minute break, 2 more hours of play, a 20-minute break, 2 more hours of play, a 90-minute dinner break, 2 more hours of play, a 20 minute break, and then... you guessed it; another 2 hours of play! For the fans at home, that's a 12pm-2am work day in the high-stress environment of TV cameras and crew, photographers, journalists, all here to capture the biggest ladies-only tournament in the world!

Looking ahead at that solid six hours of play, I headed to the sushi shop around the corner to stuff myself (literally, it's all-you-can-eat) with raw salmon, cucumbers, avocado, and cooked eel. Afterwards, I enjoyed a fag with Shirley Williams (if you watched the WSOP 2007 on ESPN, you've seen her).

Oh, I forgot to mention the crowds... here's what the card room looked like minutes before the first event,

and here's the view captured from my table as I sat down minutes before the cards were dealt.

Lots of people, most of them watching! Most players found the environment a bit intimidating; pushing through the large crowds of spectators is frustrating, the noise can be disturbing, and the media attention can be distracting, but I never felt so at home in a poker room. All the poker rooms I've played at in Vegas, this one, this day... the best so far by a long shot! I felt like this is where I belonged!

The Beginning - Level One
You've heard me talk about how fast the tournament is... it's just like the WSOP main event, but you get 1/10th the chips to begin with. In case you're wondering, here's what that looks like:

I'm in the #10 seat, right next to the dealer. You can see what the rest of the table looked like here. The blinds are $25 and $50. I don't get a playable hand (or a decent hand without a preflop raise) the first 25 minutes, and then finally, in the big blind, I'm dealt Queen-Six. The flop comes with a Queen and a Six and I end up winning a $1,000 pot.

A few moments later, I have Ace-Jack in the little blind, and this lady raised me $150 to make it $250 preflop. You know me and blinds, so I call. The flop comes Ace Nine Ten, giving me top pair. She's first to act and bets $150, I raise $500 making it $650 and she calls. Hmm. Turn comes a Seven and this time, she checks, I bet $1,500, and she calls. What could she have, I wonder? The river comes a Jack giving me two pair. Nice hand, you'd think, ay? She checks and there's no way I'm betting now. I check and she shows me a pair of Eights giving her a straight. She expected me to bet! Haha!

Of course, we start with $2,000 and I just lost $3,400 to a lady who called 3/4ths her stack on an inside straight. I looked forward to putting her out, but in the meantime, here it was not 40 minutes in the tournament and already I was crippled... I only had $400! Time to steal some blinds!


Changing Gears
I changed gears so fast, I almost got whiplash! My choices were down to two: fold or raise all-in!

I go all-in with Ace-Queen from middle position with two callers and pick up 2 and 1/2 big blinds. Now I have $525.

I go all-in with pocket tens from late position and pick up the blinds. Now I have $600.

The next hand, with just three minutes to go in the level, I have King-Eight in the big blind in a pot with 3 other callers. The flop comes King-Six-Three, I push all-in, they all fold, and I pick up their blinds. Now I have $750.

Level Two
Blinds are now $50 and $100. The first hand into the second level, I have Ace-King suited from 5th position and just call. There is a raise to $250 from that same lady who called me with pocket eights, everyone folds and I raise all-in. She folds and now I have $1,150. Getting better!

A couple of rounds go by where I can't play because the cards are bad, the position is bad, or someone else is showing strength. The blinds take me down $850, and somewhere in there, I make one loose call (which then becomes raised, so I fold) making my total $750.

18 minutes into the second level, I have pocket Kings and call an all-in $600 bet from the lady in the 6th seat. Everyone else folds, she gets a Queen, Eight, Ten on the flop but her queens are no good. The turn comes another Ten, and the river Nine keeps my kings the winner! She's upset, so I get up, head over there and hug her. That hand, I picked up her stack up some blinds. Suddenly I have some breathing room with $1,600!

My table breaks up and I get moved to another one. Guess I'll have to wait to put out that lady with the Eights. Guess I have to learn how people play all over again too.

24 minutes into the second level, I have pocket Queens from 1st position, I raise to $300 and the big blind calls me, the flop comes Eight high, I push all in and she folds her Ace-King. Total now is $1975... 84 minutes into the tournament and I've clawed my way back to even!

The blinds continue to eat my stack when I call with Nine-Ten from the little blind in a pot with 3 callers. The flop comes Ten, Six, Two and I bet $500 and they all fold. $1,950... back (again) to even.

Third Level
Blinds are $100 and $200 and they keep eating my stack. 12 minutes to go in the third level, I have pocket Kings in first position, I raise to $400, everyone folds, the big blind calls me with pocket deuces. The flop is Jack-Eight-Six, I push all-in and she folds. I sit through my blinds and now am still treading water with $2,200.

I also got moved to another table!

Fourth Level
Now there is a $25 ante from each player along with a $100 and $200 blind. This means there is $550 in the pot before any betting, making it more worthwhile to try to steal the blinds (and antes). Of course, you have to pick your spots wisely, and the trouble with playing with a lot of good players, is the same spot that is good for you to steal is also good for them, so often times, when the time is right, someone else beats you to the punch. Back to the game...

5 minutes into the fourth level, I have pocket Sevens and call. The flop comes Ten, Five, Two, she bets $500 from the small blind. I stare her down, figure her for a Ten, and fold. She shows me Ace-Ten. Phew! I'm down to $1,600.

With $1,300 left, I get moved to yet another table.

As soon as I get there, I'm dealt King-Jack hearts in the big blind, get raised by the 3rd seat and call. The flop comes Jack, Nine, Five. I push all in and she calls! She's got my Jacks beat with her pocket Queens, but I get a King on the river and now have $2,600!

The very next hand I get Ace-Queen and call from the little blind. Five other people call too. The flop comes Ace, Jack, Nine and a lady in front of me bets $600. She's got massive amounts of chips... like $30,000 at least... and I try to figure out what she's got. I finally conclude she's just got an Ace, raise all-in, and she calls me with Ace-Eight. The board pairs my Queen and now I have $6,525 with 26 minutes remaining in the fourth level.

Finally... 3 and 1/2 hours into the tournament, in just two hands, starting with just $1,300, I get above the starting stack! Yay!

10 minutes later, I limp with pocket Kings and 4 other players call. Oops. The flop is King, Queen, Ten. A lady across the board bets $1,000 and I raise all-in. She calls with King-Ten, but her two pair is utterly dominated by my trips. She's drawing dead to win with only a runner-runner straight chance to split the pot. I put her out and am up to $11,000 with 12 minutes left in this level! At this point, I'm more than twice the chip average of $5,200.

(She was devastated... who wouldn't be? I rushed over and hugged her too.)

Level Five
Blinds are $150 and $300 with a $25 ante. It's almost been an hour since I played a hand! Finally, with 12 minutes remaining in the level, I get King-Queen in a six-handed pot. The flop comes with a King, I bet $1,500 (the pot) and everyone folds. The chips help make up for the blinds and antes I've lost.

Level Six
Blinds are $200 and $400 with a $50 ante. I go the entire level without playing one hand when on the last hand before dinner break I'm dealt pocket Queens. I call and it's just me and the blinds. The flop comes Jack, Seven, Seven. The little blind checks, the big blind- let's call her ATL cause she looked like she came from there- bets $800. I put her on a Jack... very, very rarely do people bet trips on the flop. My queens are good, I reckon, so I call and the little blind folds. Turn is a Six, she bets $700, I call; I want her to keep betting. River is a Three, she bets $500, I call. I don't raise, cause I figure she won't call and she might, maybe, have a Seven. She shows Jack-Five and now at dinner time, I'm up to $12,675!

Level Seven
Here the blinds are $300 and $600 with a $100 ante. Preflop, then, there is $1,900 in the pot! That's the initial starting stack!

The table really tightened up after lunch and the players were dropping much more slowly now. We were down to around 170 players at this point, or just 70 to go until the money. The effect of the tight play was to change the game into one of stealing blinds. We hardly saw a flop; every hand was raised preflop and taken down. As a result of this, the blinds went around the table faster, and the $100 antes really started to take their toll. Here's the effect of not getting playable cards during this portion of the tournament.

About 30 minutes into the seventh level, Miss ATL and I get into it again. She was still sore with me for beating her Jack-Five with my pocket queens. I tried to bluff her earlier (semi-bluff) but she put in a big raise, so she got back a few chips, but she still had no love for me.

Unfortunately for her, I had pocket Queens when she got Ace-King. She raised a lot preflop and I re-raised all in. She called, and the flop was Nine-high. The board paired and stayed low and I doubled up through her to get my highest yet chip count, $14,350, seven and 1/2 hours into the tourney!

It was at this point I had to make a decision: go for the money or go for the final table. The former mean a very conservative strategy where I basically fold my way into the money, letting the other players bust out until everyone is in the money. My calculations indicated this plan could work... but it would be close. Going for the final table was risky... very risky, considering I had now invested eight hours of time into this thing. Going home empty handed would be very hard to take.

If I went for the money, I would most likely have no chance to finish higher than the first or second payouts. As these were practically the same (in fact, one had to get into the 3-4% before the payouts increased significantly) I opted to go for the money. $2,000 for the bottom of the payout was $2,000 more than I had in my purse!

Level Eight
The blinds are now $400 and $800 with $100 antes. I didn't get much opportunity to play at all! Finally the end of the level comes, but and the effect on my chip stack was brutal. (The small stack of black to the left are for my blinds about to hit me.)


Level Nine
The blinds are $500 and $1000 with $100 antes. Ouch! Now that we were down to around 120 players and only the top 100 cashing, I was reluctant to play with anything but a premium hand.

104 players left... 5 to the money! The blinds are coming fast and my chip stack is quickly vanishing!

At this point in the tournament, 1/2 way into the ninth level, I really irritateted some players at the table. You see, the lady to my left had massive amounts of chips. I had pocket Fives in the little blind and everyone folded to me. I was faced with a very, very tough decision! If I called, she would raise me all-in with anything. If I raised all-in, she would call with anything. (This is basic tournament strategy and this girl was a good player.) She's probably got two cards higher than a Five which means at best I'm a 54% favorite to win. In other words, it's a coin flip for my tournament life with just 5 places to go until the money, but if I won, I'd definitely make the money.

Or, I could just fold my Fives and pray that 5 more people would not have the same patience and bust out. I only had enough money to see another 20 hands... it was going to be very close.

So I think about it. And I think some more. And some more. Finally, the lady to my right throws a hissy fit and calls the floor over to call time on me. Giggle. I don't care. I decided to fold long ago, but with that decision meant stalling as long as I could. I wasn't hurting the table or costing them money by this tactic, but it really pissed off a few ladies. Oh well. When they start clocking me, I just let them count... until they declare I must fold, then I fold. Two people went out during that time! ;) Just like internet poker.

I've got enough money for 10 hands left with 102 players left.


I'm about to go through the blinds when we start hand-for-hand mode. Great! This saves me from having to post my blinds because each table only starts the next hand after all tables finish the current hand. This is to counteract people doing what I had done earlier and also for some tables (like mine) that deal more hands per hour (= more money in antes and blinds) than other tables. It's just fair when the field is one person away from everyone being in the money.

The blinds go through me. I'm down to $2,500 when the annoucer booms, "Congratulations, ladies, you're all in the money!" Yay! The whole room applauds. For a second, I felt awful for the girl who just got put out before, but then I celebrate. Yay!

Next hand, I'm dealt pocket Nines on the button and the lady in first position raises to $3,500. I call all-in, knowing she's got to overs on me and that I'm only a 54% favorite to win. Now I'll gamble! :)

She turned a King and with 2 minutes remaining in the Nineth level, my tournament ended. I was escorted to the payout counter where I was given a voucher to claim the $1,949 prize for 96th place.

Look for me on the prizes and payouts list!

Afterthoughts
96th place. Maybe it doesn't sound all that impressive all by itself, but this is the World Championship event for ladies... I finished in the top 8%... yeah, I wish my coinflip (99 versus AK) went my way and I could have made it past the first day... but I didn't have the kind of luck which gave you silly stacks of checks and a final table finish. Maybe I didn't put myself in enough situations to be lucky like that, but I know for a fact I avoided a plethera of ones that would have had me hit the door with nuttin' but a bad taste in my mouth! Pocket Queens beat by Eights... Pocket Jacks beat by AQ... most players would have been sent home packin' as those hands played out, but I was able to accurately read the situation and bail as soon as I was beat.

In fact... outside those three hands, I can only remember losing one other hand, and that was just $1000 to Miss ATL on a semi-bluff when I folded to her raise. I think I only lost one showdown (the hand that crippled me)! I took one bad beat, I gave one bad beat when I two paired pocket Queens.

Plus, it was a tough starting table; there were two well-known pros there. Normally, you'd expect to see one person from each starting table to make the money... I saw at least three others from my table still in the tournament when we reached the money!

So... my first WSOP bracelet event and I finish in the money... yeah, I'm okay with that!

I met some people there who made a living playing in tournaments. They were sponsored to play, (like I was for this one) and they split the payouts with their sponsors (like I'll do with mine). That, to me, seems the opportunity. I mean, if you keep putting yourself in situations to win millions of dollars with good odds... eventually, you win!

A girl can dream, can't she?

The Moment Of Truth Arrives

Tomorrow is the big day!

The reason why I moved out here.

The Opportunity... the test... the dream.

The lesson from my last ladies only tournament is clear: luck must be on our side!

In the main event, each player starts with $20,000 chips. Here, we start with $2,000... 1/10th the amount, yet the structure is the same. What's that mean? The same as it did in Louisville... if we get a good run of best cards, we can position ourselves to make skill a factor.

With the blinds so high compared to the initial chip stack, there's not much room to play anything but premium hands outside the blinds, so for the first day anyway, the strategy is pretty simple: play great cards or fold. There will be no slow-playing; no time for tricks.

Double up, then triple up, the double up again, and do it one more time. That's where I want to be at the end of day one.

With apologies to Tony, Frank, Dean, Bobby... luck be a tranny-lover tomorrow!

Thank You, Jerry

Jerry,

Words cannot express how grateful I am for your sponsorship, but nonetheless, please allow me to try…

You have given me hope at my darkest hour. Because of you, my dream is still alive and within reach! It may be naïve to strive to make this world a better place, but I would not be out here playing poker if I wasn’t confident in my abilities to win. Over 12 years I’ve been studying this game, reading book after book, writing computer programs to evaluate strategies and statistics, and of course, playing.

It is not through arrogance but rather confidence in myself that I know I’m as good as the stars on TV. But it is not about ego; it’s not about me.

It’s not about fame; I appreciate the value of anonymity.

It’s not about fortune; sure, I prefer wealth to poverty, but life has taught me how to create a comfortable existence on a modest budget.

I’m playing for a higher purpose. I don’t know if Lisa told you, but my transition to womanhood has been traumatic and the process has re-aligned my life priorities. I want to help others on this path by founding support groups, spreading awareness, and helping pass legislation to secure equal rights. In the process, I hope to be an inspiration for other successful transsexuals to also be role models. We are the third sex, and we have much to offer the world; certainly more than being ridiculed in popular culture or as a fetish item in the sex-worker industry!

With the conviction of Viktor Frankl, I can say this is my meaning, my purpose, and that is why I play. The fame and fortune from being successful in this tournament would certainly go a long way toward fulfilling these goals! Just being seen as a ‘normal’ person on ESPN would do wonders for our community and enable me to spread a positive message! And of course the prize purse would provide the capital to fund programs, create media, and lobby support.

There’s more, but in a nutshell, that’s my plan. Moving to Vegas was just the first step, so you can imagine my disappointment when I could not earn the buy-in playing in live games. (I only had a $200 bankroll, and I came very close but I also had to live off of my bank roll.) I was going to have to wait for another year or risk being destitute if I entered and failed to win at least my money back. So much effort expended- all for naught. I was quite depressed! I felt like I failed.

It was during this time when news of your generous sponsorship arrived! To say I was overjoyed would be an understatement!

Thank you again, so much for your kind help. You have given me the chance to succeed and for that, I am truly grateful. If there’s ever anything I can do for you in return, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Your friend,
Clio

The Second Miracle

I had just finished with the math... in disbelief, I check it again, but to no avail. I failed to win enough money to live off of and buy in to a the WSOP tournament. Even the ladies no-limit... the only way to play was with money I couldn't afford to lose, and that dear friends, would be most unwise.

Unwise as it may be, the heart-breaking reality was that, as close I had come, I would not be playing in the WSOP this year. The news was devastating to my soul. So much so that I refused to believe it. I moved out here for this opportunity with nothing and I was so close; to admit defeat was more than I could bear! No, I was not going to give into those feelings again; I've had more than enough despair in my life, thank you very much! I still love my life!

No sooner had I come to this realization when life presented another opportunity. His name was Jerry, and he wanted to sponsor lil 'ol me for the tournament! I nearly fainted when I heard the news! The most amazing part is, I've never met Jerry! He's the boyfriend of a very dear friend, (I promised not to reveal her identity) and evidently, they planned on sponsoring me for quite a while now. (blush) The timing of the news was simply magical and I am still in awe at his generosity and the support from friends.

It's amazing really; estranged from blood relations, I hoped I would make some friends when I moved out here, but never dreamed I would find a new family, for that's what my new friends (you know who you are!) out here have become. I feel like the luckiest girl alive!

Look out ladies, Clio's in the game! :)

That night, my younger sister Bradly and I went out to celebrate this new fortune...

... the view from Mix, atop The Hotel at Mandalay Bay is quite impressive! Can you see why I want the flat on the strip with floor-to-ceiling windows? :) The view is great, but the servers aren't nearly as hot as Olive Garden! I suppose this is a good thing, after all, what bar do you meet up at if Cinderfella works here?

The Lesson Learned

Mind the coincidences, ay?

I lose an all-in twice twice where I flop second nut flush. That's mighty unlucky once, but twice in a week? What is the universe trying to tell me?

"Clio, you know better than that!"

Now some would say (and some did say) that one should never play two-suited cards unless one of them is an Ace, but while you won't lose much money following that advice, you won't make much either.

No, better still is to play them, just don't go all-in when the bets are telling you you might be beat! Better yet, don't really go all in at all cause like, who's gonna call you? Only trouble, that's for sure!

The cost of the lesson? Just a dream, that's all.

What's He So Upset About?

The player in the #1 seat flops an Ace-high flush; a monster hand. He bets $10. He gets raised $40 by the #4 seat and re-raised $202 all-in by the #8 seat! He hems and haws about calling, finally does, and the #4 seat also calls himself all-in for $120. Seat #8 flips ups her cards, King-Queen clubs. When seat #1 realizes that she flopped a King-high flush, he throws his cards (Ace-Ten clubs) face up on the table and loudly proclaims, "This is MY POT!"

Charming!

Meanwhile, the board pairs on the river and seat #4 casually flips over his cards, revealing a full house (Eights full of Nines) which is now the best possible hand among the three players.

Seat #1, previously a low-key player, slams the table, stands up quickly, knocking over his chair and loudly storms aways exclaiming all kinds of obscenities.

Meanwhile, the lady in seat #8 had already quietly stood up and dismissed herself from the table. As she was walking away, when the young man stormed off, I heard her mutter to herself quietly, "What's he so upset about?"

I knew immediately what she was saying. Our upset friend still won money in that pot because the lady had bet more than the fella who won had... that meant that the angry fella still won about $160. Of course, he had $300 before the hand started, but instead of losing everything, he only lost about 1/2 of his chips. He should be happy!

Mathematically speaking, the fella with the boat was drawing to an inside straight and made it. Okay, so the Ace-high flush got unlucky there, but he really got lucky that he didn't lose all of his chips, or worse, his entire bankroll! No, he had a little cushion, and ended up winning money instead of losing everything. After all, he could have had all of his chips in with the 3rd best hand!

So for this he makes a scene? The lady had a point. Subtle, but quite valid. By the time anyone could digest the moment (all eyes where on the irate man), make sense of her commentary, and formulate a response, she was gone... the phantom lady quietly vanished into the night, gone as quickly as her chip stack.

I was playing at the Venetian poker room. On the surface, it's a very classy joint, quite large, teeming with people. The room is segregated into different classes of players, depending on how large the game is. I was playing in the main room, packed like cattle in coach, while the high-rollers enjoyed their own room, and medium-rollers were also detached from the din of the main room.

Have you ever been to a restaurant that is so large, it requires teams of people with headsets to manage the tables? That's how big this was. Normally, the floor manager can handle the entire room, but here there were as many as six managers working at once, each one tirelessly pacing up and down, scouring for empty seats or chip buy-in/re-buy requests.

The room was so big and there were so many tables, I encountered a new (slightly slimy) breed of poker player; one who constantly changes tables so that they are always playing with new people. Play 10 hands, move, play 10 hands, move, etc. They obviously feel there's an advantage to doing this or they wouldn't do it... usually it's because they play really tight and they don't want people to realize this, or they would get any action. It's obvious when the player across from you hasn't played a hand in 40 hands, but if he has just sat down and not played a hand in 40 hands, well, you don't know that, do you? In the first case, you'd never call a bet/raise from such a person, in the second case, you probably would.

The Venetian provides gourmet food service, right to the table, which itself is pretty impressive. Mandalay Bay does this too, but it's room service; here, it's a bit higher quality and a bit lower price. For $12, you get 2 large crab claws (already open, just use a fork and eat), 4 large shrimp, crackers, sauce, and vegetable sticks. Not bad!

Of course, they allow their own dealers to play there... not cool in my book, and doubly not cool when the dealer sits down and immediately tunes out the table with glasses and headphones. Give me a break, it's low-limit! I pointed out to management that one would expect their employees to "set a good example" but my suggestions fell on deaf ears. They don't care. Keep the cattle moving.

Obviously, I wasn't impressed. But, I was playing nonetheless and at a fairly good table.

Times were lean. Recent setbacks had offset earlier wins and I was now playing not with winnings, but with cash out of pocket. Most of my winnings I had earlier thrown away in satellite tournaments, trying to get into the WSOP main event. The day before I had lost to not one, but two inside-straight draws and that constituted the rest of my winnings. I was now playing with the original money I came out to Vegas with, but I was in high spirits... sooner or later the luck turns around, and if I catch a run of good to balance out the bad, I'd be back over $2K in the black. Such are the swings in no-limit poker...

A brash, flashy, middle-aged man sits down at the table. It's obvious to me he's one of those table movers (he's coming in with more chips than you can buy-in for). He's wearing a gold Rolex and has a smugness about him I found to be repulsive... the kind of man who tries to make it look like he's really a good guy as he's ripping you off. Like a car dealer. Okay, that's not fair, like a slimy car dealer. I've played with his kind before. I've loved his kind before.

I have King-Queen, there are 6 people in the pot, including Mr. Flashy, and the flop comes Queen-Jack-Seven. Everyone checks, I'm last to act, I bet $25 into a $24 pot. I'm trying to see who's got what.

Everyone folds except Mr. Flashy. He calls. Turn comes a Ten, he pretends to make a bet, looks for my reaction, then checks at the last minute (haha), and I bet $100. Now he tries to make a move on me and raises all-in!

I stare him down and replay the hand in my head. Card reading (based on his actions) makes it very, very improbable he has what he says he has (trips or two-pair) and even if he does, mathematics tells me that I have enough redraws (chances to beat trips or two-pair) that I should call the bet, but still, it's a $525 call... that's a lot of money... to me.

I 'legally cheat' by asking him questions about his hand and reading his reactions. I'm having fun, actually, this is what separates the good players from the really good ones, and I enjoy putting on a playful show.

"Can you beat a Queen?" I finally ask him straight-up.
"Oh no, REBUY!" he exclaims.
"Now, you don't have to act!" I tease.

One benefit of being cute and nice at the table is that people generally answer questions from you honestly. Card reading says he's bluffing. Face reading says he's bluffing. One more test to be sure.

I show him that I have a Queen and watch his expression. No change, he thought he was beat when I asked him if he could beat a Queen and now that he knows he's beat, no reaction.

So, he was trying to bluff out the pretty young girl at the table, ay? Gotcha!

"Call"

The table gasps as I only flip over top pair with a King kicker. Yes, I have an open-ended nut straight draw, but it's a relatively weak hand for just one pair, especially with such a scary-looking board, especially to call such a large bet! Too bad they didn't know what I knew!

He flips over his cards. Nine-Ten. More gasps as the table realizes he was just bluffing with bottom pair and that I had just made a sick call. I love this game. I'm a 93% favorite to be up $1200. People say poker is gambling, but if you always find yourself in this situation... you're a big winner.

But not every time. This time the river comes a miracle Eight, giving Mr. Flashy a straight. What a kick in the ovaries! I take it in stride...

"Table change, please," he orders the dealer.

What a classy guy! Jerk.

Undeterred, I dip deeper into the red... it is a good game, after all, and I'm really playing the table now... I have King-Queen clubs and am pretending to be 'on tilt' or temporarily playing badly. Of course, King-Queen suited is a strong hand, and I was lucky to be dealt that immediately after losing. This is a perfect time to make others think you're bluffing with nothing when you have a great hand because most players would go mad after losing such a pot, and with their temper, all of their chips! Teehee. I love this game.

I raise $25 preflop and get two callers. Cool! The fella to my right even tries to slow me down, muttering under his breath, "woah, don't go on tilt!"

"Oh, I'm steaming," I reply, loud enough for the two callers to hear me. Perfect!

The flop comes Jack, Eight, Nine, all clubs giving me a King-high flush!!! The first player actually bets into me $10 and the second player makes it a pot-sized bet for $50 (raising $40). Still playing like I'm pretending, I raise all-in... I don't want someone with just an Ace of clubs to call, so I have to make it expensive enough that they won't be getting proper odds to call.

The first guy calls! The second guy calls! I know before the cards are turned over, so I flip up my cards, collect my purse and start to get up. I've just lost all my poker winnings and also my poker bankroll. I'll be lucky if I can get through valet without bursting into tears. Why oh why didn't I self-park?

As I'm leaving, I hear one of the guys shout, "This is MY POT!" He quickly storms away in a rage. Out of the corner of my eye, over my left shoulder, already away from the table, I notice the board paired on the turn.

"What's he so upset about?" I mutter to myself...

Thoughts Become Reality

Imagine lying in bed, staring at the light switch on the wall. The lights are on, but your desire is for them to be out. Can you turn the lights out - using just your mind?

The sane reader is thinking, "of course not!" but hang on a minute...

If I'm lying in bed, get up, and push the switch, then get back into bed... now with the lights out. My Will has thus created a new reality.

"No fair" comes the rebuttal, "you used more than your mind!" Well, my MIND wanted the lights out AND my body in the bed, and after physically turning off the switch, and getting back into bed, reality exactly matched what the mind wanted... just because I was aware of the PROCESS my mind used to alter reality doesn't mean I didn't do with just my mind.

Philosophically speaking, Q.E.D., but I can tell you're not convinced.

"So can you do it keeping your body in bed?"

Sure, I yell, "BRADLY!!! CAN YOU COME HERE A MINUTE???"

"Haha, very funny, what if you're alone?"

I can always call a friend and have them come over and press the switch, or even the electrical company and have the cut off service, or even stay in bed until they shut off the power from non-payment, but do you mean can I turn out the lights all by myself, without getting out of bed RIGHT NOW?

"No," you might say, "flipping a switch requires overcoming inertia and friction. Inertia is the tendency of resisting change, and friction is the tendency of encouraging stasis. (Entropy, by the way, is the tendency of encouraging change and gravity is the tendency of resisting stasis.)"

"You're brilliant," I say, "I've never heard such a lucid definition of those terms before!"

You go on to say that it takes a force to overcome these forces, and mind waves seem to be weaker forces, if you want to just blink your eyes and flip the switch, it can't be done!

Well my enlightened friend, again, the answer might amaze you! We can turn on/off the lights simply by thinking about it! However, the solution requires a bit more effort upfront in exchange for never having to get out of bed. Let's solve it in stages... the first step involves moving my body all the way down to the hardware store and installing the 'clapper.' Once installed, forever can I turn the lights on and off by lying in bed! Clap on, clap off!

Now, I am not using my body to turn off the lights, but rather, sound waves. Oh yeah, I'm using my body to generate sound waves, but is that any different than using my body to generate mind waves to press the switch? No, I say, but you can disagree; after all, you were unsatisfied with my mind using my vocal chords to get other people to do the work! But that's okay... this is only step 1... step 2 uses the mind and only the mind!)

Consider with the 'clapper,' I'm turning the lights on and off by a device which detects changes in air pressure. We call them sound waves; most call them sounds or noises. This device then converts the energy in the sound waves into electricity which is then used to trigger another device - itself powered by electricity - to turn off the lights. It's just like having a friend do it, but instead of your roomie, it's a tiny silicon friend!

Now then, let's replace this air-pressure (sound wave) sensing device with one that detects changes in brainwave patterns (mind waves). We'll have to power it with electricity because we don't know how to get much electricity from thought-waves yet, but that's okay since the light is itself powered by electricity.

Such devices don't exist, you say? Sure they do!

So with a little forethought, we can flip a light switch using just our mind. And a night-cap connected to a computer... but that's only because we don't yet have sensitive enough detectors to do the job with remote sensors instead of ones placed directly on the scalp. Like I said, we don't yet know how to harness the energy from thought-waves, but we will soon enough.

However, let us not miss the miracle here. The Mind, aware of the Will, is capable of changing the environment to suit the Will. So what if we are mindful of the process, of our bodies, or of our words, or of the people we manage to do the job, the net effect is that of the mind creating reality based on the desires of the Will. You, in effect, are just a process.

Whether it's turning off the lights or winning the WSOP, where there's a will, there's a way, and there's no denying that thoughts create reality. If there were never the thought of changing reality, the reality would never change.

How will your thoughts become reality today?

The Very First Event...

Today was supposed to be such a magical day...

It was really hard for me not to call this post, "Throwing Money Away."

So I played in the very first event of the 2008 World Series of Poker. It was event #58 (go figure!) and was a $330 super-satellite to the main event.

Super satellites work like this. The main event costs ten large- $10,000. That's a lot. So what happens is a lot of people each put in $300 and play a tournament. Since $10,000 / $300 = 33, for every 33 people that enter, a main event seat is awarded. The tournament plays until there are as many seats available as people left.

I wanted to play the $500 satellite. Same idea, but you only have to be in the top 5% instead of the top 3%. Imagine my shock when I found out the website was wrong, there was no $500 satellite today!

Perhaps you can't imagine my shock. I was so ready for today! I slept well that night, and the day before, I relaxed, studied, and meditated. I got up early, made myself extra pretty, and even got there early, having a lovely sushi meal just outside the tournament hall.

(By the way, if you've ever seen the WSOP 2007 on ESPN/2 it looks exactly like that... they didn't change a thing! Here's a video taken from my mobile...)

"What the Muncie," I thought, and signed up for the $330 anyway.

I instantly regretted it.

Sure, I got to sit at the tables you see on TV- I got to stare at logos for Milwaukee's Best, ESPN, and Harrahs. Sure I got a chance to fling out chips- they were crappy tournament ones anyway, not like the nice ones you see on TV. The cards were kick-ass though, so at least there was that.

The initial stacks were way too small ($2000) and the structure was way to fast to do anything but pick a hand and go all-in. I.E., luck was needed.

Case in point. First hand, I'm the big blind ($50) with K8. The flop comes K72. The little blind bets $200. I call. The turn is an 8. The little blind checks. I bet $300, he calls. The river is something, I don't know... the little blind checks, I check cause like the board flushed or something. The guy has pocket 77 or trip 7s. Egad, one unlucky break and I'm 1/4 down in chips! Most players would have lost more in my spot, so I guess it was a lucky break?

What that means is, now that the blinds are $150/$300, if I make a standard raise of 4 times the big blind, that's $1200 or 3/4 of my whole stack, or, in poker tournament parlance, all my chips. In other words, the next hand I play, I'm all in! (Apologies for all the advanced tournament strategy here, just trying to make a point!)

As you'll see, losing that pot didn't matter one iota. Tournament outcomes for an individuals often depend on just one hand. Our table breaks down and I'm moved. From the big blind again, I have King-6 spades. The flop is Q83- all spades. I check, everyone checks. Turn comes ten of clubs and I bet $1000 (3/4 my stack) into a $500 pot (If a lone Ace of spades calls me, I want to get proper odds for his draw.) I get re-raised all-in ($400 more) by the little blind who I figure has the Ace of spades, but not for, you guessed it, a 5 of spades to go with it! Brutal.

Of the 1,326 specific two-card hands, there were 6 that could beat me (all them must have the Ace of spades and another spade) and the odds of him having one of those hands-- given that I had what I had-- is freakishly small.

Small, but non-zero, and just like that, swing and a miss.

I felt like Charlie Bucket, opening up a Wonka fudge bar, looking for a golden ticket and finding only chocolate. No wait, I didn't feel that good; Charlie at least got to enjoy the chocolate!

Now I'm bummed. Not cause I lost, but because, again, pardon the technical jargon, 1) the satellite tournament structure sucks, and 2) the Ladies tournament structure and starting stack is identical to what was just played. In other words, it's a crap shoot too! Well, you know the strategy I'd play, and against all ladies, it might win, but it's still a long shot.

I said it before, and I'll say it again, the main event is the only tournament where skill can be relied upon to get into the money. The structure is similar to the satellites, but the levels double 1/2 as fast and the starting stack is 10 times larger.

But now... it's going to take a whole lot more than skill to get me there!

A Day In Her Life...

An incredible day... you can read about it here...

The Piano

About the above:
Yes, there is another blog! When I first moved to Vegas, I had the silly thought that this blog would just end, and I'd post a link to the new, Vegas blog and that would be that. Seemed simple enough in theory, but hard to put into practice.

As you know, I had planned to write a book while I was out here, but I quickly learned that writing engaging and compelling stories from nothing is something easier said than done! However, as my life is pretty surreal, (can't make this stuff up!) I thought I'd base the story on real life. Since my life is just the physical manifestations of my thoughts, it's all just imagination anyway, right? ;)

To force myself to think more like, literary-y, I started writing the new blog in the third person. At some point, there has to be other characters besides myself, right?

So it needs an editor and it's just a very rough first draft, but I'm posting it here cause, well, you might get a kick out it! ;)

Miracles in the Desert

I met my friend Joyce at a little cafe in Paris today for lunch. The food itself was exquisite- Ahi Tuna, raw, but seared around the edges with peppercorn mixed with boiled potatoes served on a bed of fresh greens and celery tossed with a light lemon vinigrette dressing. Yummy! It was the perfect accompaniment to fresh loaf of french bread, a glass of pino gris (not grigio, cause it's Paris) and a bottle of sparkling water. And for desert? Rich flour-less chocolate cake topped with a sensuous chocolate glaze. It was nearly orgasmic!

And if the food was good, the company was even better. I don't know the proper words for what Joyce does- to call her just a costume designer seems woefully inadequate because as I understand it, everything in a production that has to do with fabric or color is her speciality. In addition to providing support for Folies Bergere, the quintessential Las Vegas show (check out the costumes!), Joyce was preparing to work with Cher (CHER!) in her upcoming performances, encourage future generations to follow their dreams, and when all that was done, work her magic for Bette Middler. Yes, the Divine Miss M!

Joyce is an amazing woman! Have you ever met someone where when you are with them, you are granted frequent, deeply meaningful insights? For me at least, that happened today. After spending just two hours with her, I felt transformed. I felt like a fountain of positive energy and I reveled in spreading it!

At the poker table, I gave pleasant conversation, people smiled, and I felt as if I became a warm light transforming the sulking faces upside-down. Oh, I still took their money, but at least I was giving a good time in the process! ;) I've recently been having fun with the fact that most people at a poker table don't look like they are having a good time... many of them don't even smile after they win! I get not smiling after a loss, but if ever there was a time to smile at a poker table, wouldn't it be while raking in chips? I made it a goal to get those winners to smile, and I had fun doing it! I became that bright, bubbly, pretty blonde and I played the part as best I could and it felt good! (Is that Linda Low I hear in my head?)

As the poker room was right next to the bar, the cocktail services was amazingly fast. Since there were only three tables, service was also amazingly frequent. About the third hour into play the familiar alert of 'Beverages?' turned into an affected voice. It belonged to an older lady and it was unclear if she had suffered a stroke, but she spoke in a very slow, deliberate manner. She couldn't say 'Vhhh' as in 'BeVhhherages' and much of her speech sounded like that of one who had never heard human speech (like someone born deaf), but who had learned to speak nonetheless.

The fella to my left thought perhaps she was retarded, but when I ordered a drink from her, I saw a very bright woman in her eyes- I connected with her briefly- so I knew that wasn't true; it was only her voice that was affected. Urged by my lunch conversation, I gave her compassion. I felt what must have been a very difficult time in her life (if not now, certainly earlier) and I wanted deeply for her to have a happy day.

After winning back the losses from yesterday, and on the urgings of my stomach, I left for home and fish tacos. What a great day!

I LOVE MY LIFE!

Hee-Haw

Poker players like to call each other names.

Last night, there was a donkey at the table. A donkey is a person who only plays their own cards; they don't consider what cards the other person might be holding. You can make a lot of money off donkeys because they over-value their own hands. In fact, I took about $300 off this guy the night before (that's how I knew he was a donkey!) and I watched him lose a lot more to other players.

That said, it's hard to beat stupid and lucky when they get together. I put this one guy all-in three times last night. Each time, he was giving me even odds on money, while only having a one-in-ten chance of winning, and each time, he won!

To put things in non-poker terms, imagine we play a game where we roll a die. If the die comes up 1, 2, or 3, I'll pay you $100 and if it comes up 4, 5, or 6, you'll pay me $100. At the end of the night, who do you think will win?

If you said 'no one' you're right! You're getting even money (betting $100 to win $100) and the odds of you winning are 50-50, or even.

Now, if instead of a 6-sided die, we played with a 10-sided die, and if I only payed you if the die came up a 1, but you would pay me if it came up 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, or 10 then you might not want to play! You'd be getting even money ($100 to win $100) but only one-to-ten odds to win!

Oh, once in a while, you'd get lucky and roll some 1s, but you'd be stupid to play this game with me and you'd be lucky to win.

Mathematically, that's exactly what happened to me last night. Oh, it was couched in very clever poker plays, filled with traps and guile, but all that work I did was for naught; that donkey kept rolling 1s. Should have won over $1000 but ended up losing $400 on the night (I won money from other players).

Now, it would be very, very easy to exclaim that this person was a horrible player and that he should have been broke 3 times already, but being the classy lady I am, I used a more indirect approach. Each time, I showed my cards to the table, and each time, the table realized that he was 1) making poor calls and 2) lucky - without me saying a word. If fact, sometimes, they said it for me!

No, I handled the defeat with grace but laced with just a hint of disdain. I rolled my eyes in a cute kind of way and said, 'nice hand,' but left after that... the odds of him beating me three times in a row are 1 in 1000. The odds of him beating me four times were 1 in 10000 but the way the night was headed, it felt like a sure thing. Sometimes it's just not your night!

Bound To Happen

Won negative money yesterday playing poorly in a game I knew to be bad. Folded when I should have called (or raised when I should have called, depending on your point of view) and lost $50 instead of flopping quads and winning $550. It's hard to call a $200 re-re-raise with pocket 8s and two callers, with one behind already all-in for $150.

I learned many things that night, but the biggest one is that I should have left a $230 winner instead of a $150 loser.

Always one to make lemonade, I made a few new contacts and let a nice, well-off man named Billy buy me dinner.

Losing money hurts me physically. I don't think I'll do it any more!

Locals vs. Tourists

On a tip from Hugh, I checked out Green Valley Ranch today. This place is a long way away, about 20 minutes (all freeway), and I wasn't much impressed. Their poker room is tucked away from all the action of the casino, which I guess makes for a less distracting environment, but I think that makes the game harder for me because I'm bothered less playing around flashy lights and noises than other people. In other words, I want them to be distracted!

The game was pretty lean, lots of locals grinding it out. All locals, save two, as a matter of fact. I got to sit next to one of the tourists, a rather nice man from DC. He helped protect animal rights in experimental settings and was considering becomming a teacher. I thanked him for being such a good guy and encouraged him.

The game was good initially, but then nearly broke up, when a few rocks left and a few loose players left for a larger limit game. The card room then transferred people wanting to play a higher limit game to our table. That's a disadvantage to most lower-limit players, but I just continued to play my game.

I cashed in for $200 and cashed out at $324 two hours later, upset at myself for making a very bad call (cost me $60) and thankful for being able to turn a profit against the rocks in the desert so far from the strip.

I also left because I began to crave the tourists at the MGM, so that's where I went next.

Wouldn't you know it, the first hand I sit down, Simon (from London!) makes it $17 to play. Well, I have 77 and there were three callers, so I decide to see a flop. Flop comes K72 and he bets me all in, so I call and beat his AK and double up on my first hand. Welcome to the table!

Met a nice lady from Nashville, Jennifer, who was a writer for a band doing a performance for the Country Music Awards. She gave me her business card... Joe, I got an in for ya! One sure meets some interesting people at the poker table!

There was a funny guy on my left named Al; he's a wealth manager from Arizona. It was a blast playing with him, we were cracking jokes and he was telling me all about the playing habits of other people at the table. A pretty cool guy he was. Later, he tried to get me to go to the Bellagio and play the 2-5 no-limit game with them. He also tried to convince me the level of play and the cost requirements were the same as the MGM. I declined, played for a bit longer, took a few bad beats, made a very bad fold (would have won $160 more dollars if I called $50) and decided to leave. I cashed in $200 and cashed out $305 in 3 hours.

Playing with the Vegas suburban locals was quite depressing. Playing with the tourists was fun! As I meander through the MGM on a very busy Saturday night, I made a deal with myself: I'll stay in Vegas as long as I love being around all these people. The moment I start dreading the crowds, the drunken laughter and shouting, and the silly behavior is the moment I make plans to leave.

I'm not planning on going anywhere just yet! ;)