232 Years Later...

There was a red sun rising - blood had been spilt the night before - but from where? Off in the distance, one could hear echoes of pistol fire. This could only mean one thing: the invaders had reached the valley!

Then, on the hottest day of the year, 106 degrees in the shade, there was an uneasy quiet which would not last. The calm before the storm. Soon, sounds of explosions surround us! Sounds of machine guns fire through the thick, heavy air. We can see the lights from the explosions in the distance. War is upon us!

Today, I woke up, looked outside my window, and everything seemed normal again. I have not yet gone out to look at the damage, nor have I turned on the TV... I'm sure I'll be bombarded with images over the next few days and I haven't the heart for them now.


We are a nation born, suckled, bred and forged from War. We are the only nation with the words "rockets and bombs" in the national anthem! AFAIK, we are the only nation explicitly granting its citizens the right to carry guns. Not just pistols, mind you, but military-grade weapons.

We are a nation that declares war on itself almost daily: the war on drugs, the war on poverty, the war on inflation... all the while not realizing that the only effect from creating a war on X is to create more X.

We are a nation with a language infiltrated with metaphors of war. Teams no longer win, they massacre. Advocates launch a campaign of awareness. A comedian killed last night, but never mind, we kill millions of germs and feel healthy and clean about it. We eat flesh without giving a second thought to the animals that were killed to provide it.

No doubt, America can be a violent country.

I wonder if the rest of the good 'ol USA knows that we celebrate our birth with the reminders of war, or if it's just a special night of pretty fireworks? Would that change the patriot's attitude toward foreign policy? Toward life?

Milestones and Millstones

Yesterday passed a major landmark... went out into the world wearing just a mini-skirt and spaghetti-strap cami, minimal makeup... and passed! Even had a guy try to pick me up!

That the fella wanted digits wasn't the big deal though, rather it was passing in such a revealing outfit. In effect, the body becomes the clothing... there's nothing to hide behind... no long skirts or capri pants to hide boy-shaped legs, no scoop necks with gathers to hide teenage-girl breasts, and no delicate sleeves to disguise boy-shaped shoulders.

She scrutinizes in the mirror... what she previously disliked about her legs has been replaced with what she desired. Where there was once insecurity over her breasts has been replaced with confidence and hope. What she previously disliked about the shoulders has suddenly turned into an asset. Standing before her in the mirror was a fit, athletic, woman's body!

And thus, Clio enters a new phase in the transition... situational body passing. In the beginning, there was just situational outfit passing, wearing a hat, coat, skirt and boots on the streets of London and passing- so long as there was no stopping, no talking, no interacting. Then the same from afar and upclose... ubiquitous outfit passing... if the outfits where carefully chosen and the timing was perfect. More progress, and today... situational body passing. I sat at a sushi bar as exposed as I ever was, and passed completely!

One step closer to ubiquitous body passing, and thus, finally living as a woman, with the inside matching the outside. It was a good day!

But it was also a harsh day. A friend told me (yelled at me, really) that I don't know what is love or a friend. I didn't appreciated getting kicked while down, but just like astronomers can detect unknown objects by observing their effect on the surrounding universe, I put her theory to the test. Was it even plausibly true?

Sadly, and with great cosmic irony, she might be right. It would explain a lot simply, but I rather think my lot might have more subtle interactions... a cause for this symptomatic similarity that has not been set right. Dunno.

Friends... how many of us have them?
Friends... ones we can depend on?
Friends... how many of us have them?
Friends... before we go any further, let's be friends!

Friends, a word we use everyday.
Most the time we use it in the wrong way.
Now you can look the word up again and again,
But the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friend.

And if you ask me you know I couldn't be much help.
A friend's somebody you judge for yourself.
Some are okay and they treat you real cool,
And some mistake kindness for being a fool.

We like to be with some because they're funny,
Others come around when they need some money.
Some we grew up with around the way,
And you're still real close to this very day.

Homeboys through the summer, winter, spring and fall,
And then there's some you wish you never knew at all.
This list goes on, again and again,
but these are the people that we call friends.
- Whodini

I can still recall from memory those words learned when I was just eleven. But why? And why now do they come gushing to the surface?

Are these words meant to heal the wound, that gash in my fragile sanity? Or are they meant to be released forever into the cosmos and out of my system? Or both?

Still... what is a friend?

Another friend told me once that friends are supportive, not judgemental. Encouraging you to be/do what you want, even if they don't agree, and still being there for support if it all goes pear shaped. At the time, this seemed a mature, reasonable definition of friend. I assumed it was true of real friendship.

Then again, some friends aren't very supportive at all when we deviate from their expected norms. Do we call their dropping of support "character"?

What kind of character would we expect in someone who was always supportive? Do we sometimes need anti-support... to be told what is right?

It's no surprise after feeling so alien in my body for all the years to find myself feeling so alien from the human species now... but if there's hope for one, why not the other?

Searching for 10,001

It won't matter that 10,000 doors might be slammed in your face, Clio, because when door number 10,001 flies open, revealing pathways of jade and gardens of love, with flowers dancing, fountains sparkling, friends blushing, moonbeams beaming, and abundance abounding, you'll completely forget about all the other doors.

When I read new-age spirituality like this, I can't help but think of the foundations of religion, back when life was hard, and the prospects for improvement grim. The masses needed some system of belief to encourage them to continue on through the suffering, whether it be the promise of an afterlife in heaven, or the promise of a better life, it's all the same. Oh, it's more clever than that, for once you can convince the masses that their own life is somehow sacred, then you have to scare them into not doing whatever it is they please; hence the eternity of hell.

I always found it interesting that new age philosophy seems to ignore this concept of a fiery afterworld, despite it being 50 miles below us, though it is keen to latch on to another idea of science, that we are literally star-children. Of course, once you realize you're in hell, there's no need for such fear-based dogma and you only have time for more positive messages.

Still searching for that door...

Notes From The Universe

Q: Clio, what would you call a world where each challenge bears gifts, your enemies are ancient friends in disguise, and by simply pretending your dreams have already come true mountains are moved?

A: Earth.

Too easy?
The Universe

PS - What would you call a Being who is as ancient as they are young, as clever as they are innocent, as powerful as they are humble, and who is inevitably destined to Win the World Series of Poker Main Event? Clio S...... Duh?

Find a way, Clio, whether through asking or praying, imagining or pretending, broiling or baking, to constantly remind yourself that I am always at your side, armed to the teeth with love, able to shock and delight, and probably, haute couture from head to toe.

What Dreams Are Made Of

I've stayed in bed probably 20 of the last 24 hours. It's impossible to do such things unless, deep down, one really needs sleep, and sometimes it takes a good depression to keep one in bed long enough to catch up on the sleep we really don't think we need.

In the last two hours or so of sleep, I finally started to dream, at last aware of the signals my unconscious mind is sending me.

I'm riding the Tube and get off at the Tottenham Court Rd. station, and walk to work on a cool, wet London morning. I stop at a video store and for some reason, am looking for a game... a driving game, I think, but I don't know why. I search and search, but can't find one. There are some familiar faces present, but nothing happens. I have a hard time walking, but I head to London University College, where I appear to once again be a graduate student. In the halls of the gymnasium (I didn't know they had one) I encounter several former friends from my student days at Georgia Tech. They are brutal wicked, making fun of me and the way I look. I try to walk away, but even the slightest gait is beyond me. Instead, I struggle and struggle just to barely move my legs. All of my former friends have now joined in the ridicule. I've had enough of this, so I wake up.

I do runners' stretches in bed on the half-baked theory that I can' walk properly because my legs are cramping. The morning sun is really lighting up the living room; it must be 6:30 am. Despite having loads of sleep, I'm still too tired to face the day, so I return to bed.

I'm back in the gymnasium locker room, women's, where I see placed at the door the shoes and purse of Heather, a former friend and near wife. She runs with the crowd mocking me earlier now, so I keep myself quiet, hidden. I think she catches a glance of me in the mirror - I look a mess - but she doesn't say anything. I leave. The hallway now leads to some sort of multi-unit dwelling. I live here. I see Bear, a former student of mine. He's with his girlfriend, Harp... they sort of belong here, we were all in this town at the same time for a year or so. Harp exclaims, "Oh, that's what they were talking about, he's here!" I hate it when people call me, 'he!' Of course, I had to admit, I was looking a bit butch.

Bear gets this pained look on his face, like he always does when he has to give bad news. He knows why my 'friends' are making fun of me, having just figured out that me being here is the reason why, and now in the uncomfortable position of being associated with them. Having already been there and been made fun of in person, I already know what he's about to say. "They misunderstand you," is all he finally says.

I leave and catch a bus headed to 2-something, I can't recall. It was a neat name... I still can't walk normally.

I'm on an older style bus - a RouteMaster - the double-decker kind you see on movies with the back open and the pole you can hang out from. London has slowly taken them out of service for more modern, boring buses, and a few 'caterpillar' buses... three buses joined together by a flexible tubing of sorts. I was lucky to ride a RouteMaster when they were still running, as this bus was headed out of London on an early morning, it was clean and empty, it's bright yellow, 'Do Not Step Forward Of Line While Bus In Motion' lettering in the floor mats were still bright and yellow. The grooves of the mat were brand-new clean. I hung outside on the railing, one last time, and find myself getting off at a stop after I realize that I'm headed in the wrong direction. In fact, I can't remember why I'm on a bus at all!

I walk into a building consisting of small rooms with beds, sort of like a hospital. There are TVs showing a video of a woman- a former man- who was now some sort of author (I had seen her ad on the bus). The screen flickered with shots of her visage taken every few years apart.

I heard screams of laughter from the rooms next door, now out of site, "She's not a woman!" I swear it's the same people who were laughing at me earlier. The images continue to show, each one the same person just a little bit older. We see the transition from man to woman, each image accompanied by laughter and taunts from the other room. The images go from youth, to well beyond old-age, into decay, even. Still, as a rotting skeleton cries from the other room, "She's not a woman!"

I'm sitting on one of the beds, watching the images. A man in the bed next to me is doing something, I don't know what, sexual maybe, and he carelessly throws his coat on me. I throw it back at him in disgust. Can't he see I'm sitting right here?

Then a woman enters- the same one on the TV screen- she's like a nurse here, and I hear her giving advice to the fella on the other bed, "Read with you head down, so that you always know what your hands look like!"

I look at my hands... they are filthy... filthy dirty in a way I've never seen them before. I'm embarrassed. What lady would have hands like these! I try to rub them clean, but they stay dirty. The nurse comes over and consoles me, and starts to cleanse my hands, rubbing them gently... they start to look clean again, like my normal french-manicured hands.

Before she can finish, she needs to tend to other rooms. I walk over to a sink and finish cleaning my hands, walk out on the street and catch a Tube headed toward Tottenham Court. Rd. I remember thinking how much I wanted to be an author and write stories of people living in London. I wake up, for the first time refreshed from sleep.

Analysis
Wow. I don't know where to start, or even if I want to go through this here. A mix of history, current events, and maybe, a bit of healing. Once again, I have dreams where I can't walk properly. As I'm not being chased per se, this seems reflective of goals not being met, or perhaps delayed. No kidding. Looking at dirty hands is a warning to beware of false friends and dishonest people.

All in all, a pretty through summary of recent life with a possible warning to the future. I think the cleansing of the hands might represent finally letting go of all the guilt, shame, and ridicule of being what I am. God, I hope so! But who was the trans lady washing, and why was it that I had to finish on my own? You know, some people believe that every character in your dreams is really a projection of yourself. Brutal, ay?

Ah, to be a writer... what could be better? How about a writer who plays poker in her spare time? Or vice-versa, even!

Thoughts Become Reality

Imagine lying in bed, staring at the light switch on the wall. The lights are on, but your desire is for them to be out. Can you turn the lights out - using just your mind?

The sane reader is thinking, "of course not!" but hang on a minute...

If I'm lying in bed, get up, and push the switch, then get back into bed... now with the lights out. My Will has thus created a new reality.

"No fair" comes the rebuttal, "you used more than your mind!" Well, my MIND wanted the lights out AND my body in the bed, and after physically turning off the switch, and getting back into bed, reality exactly matched what the mind wanted... just because I was aware of the PROCESS my mind used to alter reality doesn't mean I didn't do with just my mind.

Philosophically speaking, Q.E.D., but I can tell you're not convinced.

"So can you do it keeping your body in bed?"

Sure, I yell, "BRADLY!!! CAN YOU COME HERE A MINUTE???"

"Haha, very funny, what if you're alone?"

I can always call a friend and have them come over and press the switch, or even the electrical company and have the cut off service, or even stay in bed until they shut off the power from non-payment, but do you mean can I turn out the lights all by myself, without getting out of bed RIGHT NOW?

"No," you might say, "flipping a switch requires overcoming inertia and friction. Inertia is the tendency of resisting change, and friction is the tendency of encouraging stasis. (Entropy, by the way, is the tendency of encouraging change and gravity is the tendency of resisting stasis.)"

"You're brilliant," I say, "I've never heard such a lucid definition of those terms before!"

You go on to say that it takes a force to overcome these forces, and mind waves seem to be weaker forces, if you want to just blink your eyes and flip the switch, it can't be done!

Well my enlightened friend, again, the answer might amaze you! We can turn on/off the lights simply by thinking about it! However, the solution requires a bit more effort upfront in exchange for never having to get out of bed. Let's solve it in stages... the first step involves moving my body all the way down to the hardware store and installing the 'clapper.' Once installed, forever can I turn the lights on and off by lying in bed! Clap on, clap off!

Now, I am not using my body to turn off the lights, but rather, sound waves. Oh yeah, I'm using my body to generate sound waves, but is that any different than using my body to generate mind waves to press the switch? No, I say, but you can disagree; after all, you were unsatisfied with my mind using my vocal chords to get other people to do the work! But that's okay... this is only step 1... step 2 uses the mind and only the mind!)

Consider with the 'clapper,' I'm turning the lights on and off by a device which detects changes in air pressure. We call them sound waves; most call them sounds or noises. This device then converts the energy in the sound waves into electricity which is then used to trigger another device - itself powered by electricity - to turn off the lights. It's just like having a friend do it, but instead of your roomie, it's a tiny silicon friend!

Now then, let's replace this air-pressure (sound wave) sensing device with one that detects changes in brainwave patterns (mind waves). We'll have to power it with electricity because we don't know how to get much electricity from thought-waves yet, but that's okay since the light is itself powered by electricity.

Such devices don't exist, you say? Sure they do!

So with a little forethought, we can flip a light switch using just our mind. And a night-cap connected to a computer... but that's only because we don't yet have sensitive enough detectors to do the job with remote sensors instead of ones placed directly on the scalp. Like I said, we don't yet know how to harness the energy from thought-waves, but we will soon enough.

However, let us not miss the miracle here. The Mind, aware of the Will, is capable of changing the environment to suit the Will. So what if we are mindful of the process, of our bodies, or of our words, or of the people we manage to do the job, the net effect is that of the mind creating reality based on the desires of the Will. You, in effect, are just a process.

Whether it's turning off the lights or winning the WSOP, where there's a will, there's a way, and there's no denying that thoughts create reality. If there were never the thought of changing reality, the reality would never change.

How will your thoughts become reality today?

E equals M times C queered

There's a lot in my head from Thursday's lunch. Did you ever see Apollo 13? I've always been fascinated with space and space travel, but cosmically, I worry that I'm like that craft spinning out of control, with rockets firing from all sides randomly, and am trying to get control. Maybe not so much out of control, but over-controlled? Not sure. I feel close, very close, but I now know enough to know that I don't know, and I feel forces I cannot explain. I am sure it all makes sense but I wonder if there is some 3rd eye discipline that is lacking, but where to start? Or maybe I need glasses? :) No doubt, there is some premature enlightenment carried over from my explorations with chemicals, but all that's there for a reason; at least we have awareness!

So it comes down to letting go or more discipline. I would not be surprised if I had to be more disciplined about letting go, or if I had to let go about being more disciplined. Intuition says to let go... the warrior instinct says discipline... and of course the sage says wait.

Yesterday was a kinda crummy day, in case it wasn't obvious. I'm always amazed at how much it still hurts to get 'sir'ed, even if, as the case may be, it was from a non-native English speaker confused about pronouns. Gotta get over that, and fast!

I pampered myself with a full-body massage but really confused Joanda, the therapist. But then, she really confused me too. Energy is a funny thing. I did explain to her the four dimensions of gender, and she got it, but she didn't get why I was where I was, and kept trying to understand why I would be on the path I'm on if I didn't just adore men. No doubt, it would be nice to be in the arms of a nice, tall, handsome, clean, not-too-hairy man, but that's not the reason one is transsexual... that has to do with being transgendered, and that has to do with the mind sex not matching the body sex. I think she got that. She explained her conviction in men by knowing that the first sight she would want to see after bliss when she opened her eyes would be a big strong man there to make her feel safe. I thought that was pretty lucid a definition of knowing your sexuality if ever I heard one! I told her for me, it had always been female and still was, but that I would not rule out a mind based on the body it was in. (How could I?)

Then she confused me, started talking about another client, saying she told one that she had a penis (the client got all interested)... an odd thing to say during a massage! Then when I was leaving at the counter, she pointed out- making me come very, very close to her face to see- that she was a bit uncomfortable with her facial hair. (She wanted me to help her become more lady-like!) That's when I saw the beard growth on her chin. Looked like a man's, having been there and felt that way. Her hands were really, REALLY strong. Hmm... Tips on being more lady-like? Had I just failed to acknowledge another tranny? No way I insult a genetic woman with such a comment, for she was already self-conscious and already looked all like a woman!

She reminded me of Talia. Both were from small islands in the Atlantic, both had fled, and both were stunningly beautiful with an equally charming accented English. I never saw Talia as a boy, and I think she liked that. So, I decided to see Joanda as the woman she obviously was.

The universe, testing me, delivers a very tall Mexican boy my way later that night. He follows me out of the hotel into the car park, totally fixated on me. (Relax, the Robin Williams show had just let out and the place was jam-packed with people!)

He was tall, handsome, and didn't speak much English. Turns out, I know more Spanish than I thought! (Mental note, learn four languages by 2010, twenty by 2020.) Though a combination of broken words and thoughts, I learn that he's here with his dad and that he wants to go with me back to my place. He was huge! It would have been fun. I told him that he was pretty bold to ask me that, not even buying me a drink or dinner first, but he was unconcerned with proper etiquette.

Living in America, one forgets the vigor in which young, non-American men pursue the objects of their affection. I allowed myself to enjoy it, knowing there was no way in Espanol he was going home with me, although I would have chatted with him in the bar, or maybe even his room if his dad wasn't already in there. Oh yeah, and he'd have to be a little more better off than being with his dad on vacation, and he'd definitely have to lose that herpes-esque looking thing on his lip. Zit? Maybe. On a stranger? To me, that's full-blown Hep-C! Still, I would have enjoyed the chance to learn a little more Spanish.

Finally I just start to repeat 'no' to the boy, and he is visibly hurt, like a puppy. Just like a puppy in fact. He watches me go up the escalator. Who knows how long he stayed there?

What a confusing day. Tears well up, but I did have to laugh afterward, having just said that I had given up on finding anyone interested in someone like me. Good bye Francisco... good luck at USC!

Miracles in the Desert

I met my friend Joyce at a little cafe in Paris today for lunch. The food itself was exquisite- Ahi Tuna, raw, but seared around the edges with peppercorn mixed with boiled potatoes served on a bed of fresh greens and celery tossed with a light lemon vinigrette dressing. Yummy! It was the perfect accompaniment to fresh loaf of french bread, a glass of pino gris (not grigio, cause it's Paris) and a bottle of sparkling water. And for desert? Rich flour-less chocolate cake topped with a sensuous chocolate glaze. It was nearly orgasmic!

And if the food was good, the company was even better. I don't know the proper words for what Joyce does- to call her just a costume designer seems woefully inadequate because as I understand it, everything in a production that has to do with fabric or color is her speciality. In addition to providing support for Folies Bergere, the quintessential Las Vegas show (check out the costumes!), Joyce was preparing to work with Cher (CHER!) in her upcoming performances, encourage future generations to follow their dreams, and when all that was done, work her magic for Bette Middler. Yes, the Divine Miss M!

Joyce is an amazing woman! Have you ever met someone where when you are with them, you are granted frequent, deeply meaningful insights? For me at least, that happened today. After spending just two hours with her, I felt transformed. I felt like a fountain of positive energy and I reveled in spreading it!

At the poker table, I gave pleasant conversation, people smiled, and I felt as if I became a warm light transforming the sulking faces upside-down. Oh, I still took their money, but at least I was giving a good time in the process! ;) I've recently been having fun with the fact that most people at a poker table don't look like they are having a good time... many of them don't even smile after they win! I get not smiling after a loss, but if ever there was a time to smile at a poker table, wouldn't it be while raking in chips? I made it a goal to get those winners to smile, and I had fun doing it! I became that bright, bubbly, pretty blonde and I played the part as best I could and it felt good! (Is that Linda Low I hear in my head?)

As the poker room was right next to the bar, the cocktail services was amazingly fast. Since there were only three tables, service was also amazingly frequent. About the third hour into play the familiar alert of 'Beverages?' turned into an affected voice. It belonged to an older lady and it was unclear if she had suffered a stroke, but she spoke in a very slow, deliberate manner. She couldn't say 'Vhhh' as in 'BeVhhherages' and much of her speech sounded like that of one who had never heard human speech (like someone born deaf), but who had learned to speak nonetheless.

The fella to my left thought perhaps she was retarded, but when I ordered a drink from her, I saw a very bright woman in her eyes- I connected with her briefly- so I knew that wasn't true; it was only her voice that was affected. Urged by my lunch conversation, I gave her compassion. I felt what must have been a very difficult time in her life (if not now, certainly earlier) and I wanted deeply for her to have a happy day.

After winning back the losses from yesterday, and on the urgings of my stomach, I left for home and fish tacos. What a great day!

I LOVE MY LIFE!

Bad Moon Rising?

There is so much drama going around right now it just breaks my heart. It's also a full moon. Are moon children drawn to personality extremes from the influence of the moon? You don't have to look far to find articles on the trends between moon phases and illness or violence.

Now there were three sexes then,
one that looked like two men back to back;
called them children of the Sun.

And similar in shape and girth
were the children of the Earth,
they looked like two girls rolled up in one.

And the children of the moon
looked like a fork shoved on a spoon
they were part Sun, part Earth, part daughter, part son.

- Stephen Trask, The Origin of Love

I've noticed this trend, but while it may be true that the moon affects us in the same way as the oceans, pulling us here and there, that doesn't explain the full moon incidents... the moon isn't any closer to us when it's full than new, we just see it. The tides come and go even when you can't see the moon, so there must be some other mechanism at work.

In a world without light, I would think the full moons would be joyous times for one could see at night. Similarly, new moons would be most dangerous for walking around after the sun goes down.

Whatever the reason, there's a lot of drama going around and once again, there's a full moon.

The link between the Moon and human behavior is not a new theory; in the 17th century, Sir William Hale, the Chief Justice of England, was explicit about the connection between the Moon and a person’s mental state: “The Moon has great influence on all diseases of the brain, especially dementia.” Well, that would explain the extremes in personality, but most people aren't even aware of the moon, so it must be something deeper.

Speaking of deeper, did you know that like the Earth, below the crust, the Moon is a molten ball of iron?

In any event, the Moon affects the oceans, so it's no small stretch to accept that - at some level - it affects us. But is it always negative? Nah, can't be... it could always be going to extremes, and as we've learned, anything taken to its extreme is absurd, but perhaps there's an opportunity here...

Perhaps if we find ourselves in situations we couldn't normally get out of, going to extremes, while absurd in the long-term, might be beneficial in the short term? That is, if we can consider the direction of the extreme behavior and use the moon as wind for our psychic sails, perhaps it can always be an opportunity for growth.

And as growth often comes with pain, perhaps that's the source of all the drama.

Rest well my friends, heal, and know that when you look at the moon on nights like this, I'll be there with you, gazing in awe at the same ball of metal spinning eternally 'round our heads.

The Secret - Clio's Notes

Recently watched The Secret courtesy of my awesome roommie, Bradly. I was quite shocked to see in a concise and well-presented format (with an engaging soundtrack) the summary of conclusions from all knowledge gained and lessons experienced throughout my life! And more!

There is a LOT of philosophical thought that has gone into the Secret. Shades of Hedonism, a whole lot of Taoism, a good part of applied theoretical Quantum Physics, a dash of Karma, and sprinkled throughout with the Power of Positive Thinking. I fundamentally believe, with every fiber of my being that thoughts become reality (I've even written that down before!), but until now, I lacked a framework for putting that belief into practice.

That's what this video provides. And, if after all, the Secret is meant to be shared, I can only be too happy to oblidge by sharing my notes taken while watching it! My insights are in []'s... enjoy! ;)

The World's Greatest Discovery: You can have, do, or be anything you want.

The secret is the answer to all that has been and all that will ever be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Secret is based on one fundamental law...

The Law of Attraction
Everything that is comeing into your life, you attract in your life by virture of the images in your mind... by what you are thinking!

Think of yourself as a magnet: like attracts like, but now at the level of thought.

You become what you think about most, but you attract what you think about most.

Thoughts become things. (Thoughts become reality.)

Each thought has a measurable frequency... but is grammar independent!

Problem: most people think about what they don't want, and thus, it shows up again and again. E.g., debt, being late, bad service, worries, etc. [E.g., think of debt, the universe provides debt!]

Think of what you want, and focus on it with all of your attention and the universe will provide.

Whenever you are thinking, you are invoking the law of attraction. There is no pause!

Thoughts bring about creations. Don't think about what you don't want. ;) Focus on what you want.

Postive outlooks attract positive people. Negative outlooks -> negative people.

What you think about, you bring about. Your life is the physical manifestation of the thoughts in your head.

Take heart! Postive thoughts are 100 times more powerful that negative thoughts! And, there is a time delay, which serves you, allowing you to re-assess, make new choices. (Imagine if everything appeared as you thought it!)

[But it's up to you to mind the coincidences and take action... the universe just provides... YOU must take action!]

Everything that surrounds you in your life, you've attracted. Even the bad stuff. Take responsibility, stop complaining.

Most attract by default, being auto-pilot. You may ask, "I have to monitor my thoughts?"

Yes!

Hire a researcher to build a thought-monitoring program? Maybe... but...

Can use feelings; they let us know what we are thinking. Emotions are gifts. From best to worst:

• Good
• love
• gratitude
• joy
• passion
• happiness/excitement
• joyful expectation
  
• hope
  
• satisfaction
  

• Bad
• disdain
• annoyance
• worry
• criticism/blame
• anger
• revenge
• hate
• resentment
• guilt
• depresion
• fear

[Seen this before in Power vs. Force... another book I haven't yet summarized! In that book, the author presents- convincingly- these feelings as a way of measuring progress toward enlightenment.]

Feel good? Keep doing that! Feel bad? Change! Feeling good creates a future that is on track with your desires, feeling bad is one that is off track.

Don't worry, don't have fear, it only brings more of that in your life.

Whatever you are thinking of today is your future!

You get what you are feeling, not what you are thinking about... that's why a bad start to a day spirals for most people.

Start each day feeling great!

Your thoughts and your feelings create your life.

You creat your own univers as you go along.
- Winston Churchill

Feeling good is important in order to keep attracting those things that will take you higher.

Think of a baby you love and you'll feel good. Think of your pet.

Become a deliberate creator of your life.

How To Use The Secret
Like Aladdin and the lamp. "Your wish is my command." The wishes are unlimited. The label is unimportant: higher self, guardian angel, etc.

Step 1: Ask. Make a command to the universe, let the universe know what you want.
E.g., I am so happy and grateful now that ...
Write it down!

Step 2: Believe. Believe that it is already yours. Have faith, believing in the unseen. The universe will arrange itself to bring to you what you want. You don't need to know how it will happen, it will be shown to you, you'll attract the way.

Don't become doubtful!!! Replace that feeling with one of unwavering faith: I know, I know, I know!

Step 3: Receive. Begin to feel wonderful about it, feel the way you will feel when it arrives- feel it now! It is important to feel good when doing it so that you emit the proper signal! It is a feeling universe... you have to feel it!

After turning the first fantasy to fact, you're ready to do it again, and that's the creative process. Test drive the dream car, house shop, etc.

[Or in my case, you can't be at the final table if you aren't in Vegas come July, so, MOVE TO VEGAS!]

Should not feel, "I should be doing this, but I would hate that..." that's not effective. Should feel joyous, alive, like time stops, and you can do all day.

Universe likes speed: [so does Clio, mixed with ecstacy!] don't delay, don't second guess, don't doubt... when the opportunity is there, when the impulse is there, when the intuitive nudge is there, ACT. That's your job, that's all you have to do but you must do it!

[Mind the coincidences! Another book not yet summarized - the Celestine Prophecy - also made into a movie and worth watching.]

You will attract everything you require. People, money, books. Pay attention to what you are attracted to! Thought moves into physical reality through you!

Life unfolds 200ft at a time! (Ref: to driving at night from LA to NewYork; can't see whole journey, just a few hundred feet at a time.)

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. Dr. - Martin Luther King Jr.

How long will take? Dunno. It's a matter of you being in alignment with the universe.

[Follow Tao!]

Size is of no matter to the universe, everything requires zero effort for the universe.

You provide the feelings of having it now, the universe will provide you with the means to get there. E.g., hold the image of an old friend and soon, you'll get a phone call or someone will ask you about them! E.g., visualizing car park spots and 'getting lucky' and finding one.

[The power of positive thinking... seeing the card you want flopping... visualizing that WSOP bracelet around my wrist...]

The Secret Powerful Process
Your current circumstances are just the residual outcome of your past. Not who you are, it's who you were!

Don't fear or dread bills in the mail... expect checks in the mail!

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
- Buddha

Gratitude: make of list of things to be grateful for. Things you feel good about.

What we think about and thank about, we bring about. Get up every morning and say thank you. Not rote routine, but putting out the feelings of gratitude. Be grateful for what you have.

"Gratitude rocks." Attitude of gratitude.

Visualize: when you visualize, you materialize; the mind doesn't know the difference!
If you go there in the mind, you go there in the body.

Dwell upon the end result when you visualize.

Must feel joyous, happiness, loving, thankful when visualizing.

The seeing will be an open dooirway.

What this power is I cannot say, all I know is that it exists.
- Alexander Grahm Bell

The 'how' will show up in the belief and commitment in the what. The 'hows' are the domain of the universe. It always knows the shortest, quickest, most harmonious way for your dream. This is where majik and miracles happen. [esp. if you are used to following Tao!]

Do it daily, it should never be a chore. [like meditation]

Be high, happy, in tune when you do it.

Make a habit of using the law of attraction, remember to use it all the time.

Don't give up! Believe! Create a vision board.

Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attrqactions.
- Albert Einstein.

Decide what you want.
Believe that you can have it.
Believe you deserve it.
Believe it is possible for you.

Close your eyes every day for several minutes, and visualize having what you already want and feeling the feelings of already having it. Come out of that and focus on what you are grateful for already... really enjoy it.

Go into your day and release it into the universe and trust that the universe will figure out how to manifest it.

The Secret to Money

Whatever the mind of man can concieve, it can achieve.
- William Stone

When you have an inspired thought, you have to trust it, you have to act on it.

"I would like to win the 2008 WSOP Main Event Bracelet."

Focus on abundance. Focus on prosperity.

Mantra: Money comes easily and frequently.

Life is meant to be abundant in all areas. [Shed puritan, 'life is hard' beliefs?]

We really want happiness.

The Secret to Relationships
We are creators of our universe, every wish of what we want to create will manifest itself in our life.

Understand yourself! Enjoy your own company! Do you treat yourself the way you want others to treat you? Fall in love with yourself. As you love yourself, you'll love others, they'll love you.

Write a list everyday of the things you appreciate about the other person.

We create our own happiness through the law of attraction.

The Secret to Health
Our body is the product of our thoughts. E.g., Placebo effect.

Stress is the source of all dis-ease!

The body lets us know through dis-ease that we do not have a balanced perspective and we're not loving. The symptoms, like pain, are signs to change!

Dis-ease cannot live in a body that is in a healthy, loving state. See yourself living in a perfectly healthy body, don't create more dis-ease by discussing it with family, friends. Let the doctor worry about it. Focus on all the things for which you are grateful.

Happy thoughts = happy biochemistry.

Remove the stress and the body will heal itself.

Incurable = curable from within.

Man [woman] becomes what he [she] thinks about.

The Secret to the World
Anything we focus on, we help create by adding energy to it.

What you resist persists.
- Carl Jung

Anti-X movements create more X.

Believe in trust, love, living in abundance, education, peace.

If you're anti-war, be pro-peace instead!

When the voice and the vision on the inside become more profound and clearer and louder than the opinions on the outside, you've mastered your life.

Learn to become still and take attention away form what you don't want and all the emotional charge around it and place the attention on what you wish to experience.

Energy flows where attention goes.
[and Love flows where Rosemarie goes]

Go with the flow of the universe. [Follow your Tao!]

There's more than enough good to go around, even if everyone uses the secret... we all want different things.

Every great teacher has taught that life is supposed to be abundant.

Recognize the wonderful things around you and bless and praise them.

Empower and share with others.

The Secret to You
Everything is made of the same thing: energy.

Universe -> galaxy -> planets -> plants -> animals -> individuals -> organs -> cells -> molecules -> atoms -> energy.

You are not this finite body, you are an energy field. [Your hand is not solid, but rather appears that way due to the forces of repulsion of the electrons in the atoms of which your hand is made... there is plenty of space for you to push your hand through the table... but you can't cause of energy forces! Accepting/knowing that as truth was a first step for me in my current beliefs for it taught me to see things in the very small and also, the very large.]

What creates the world? Energy. What is energy? Physics says it is never created or destroyed, always existed, moves in/out/through form. What is God? Theologians say same thing!

We're all connected, we just don't see it.

You are God manifest in human form. You are perfection.

We are another way in which the universe is becoming conscious of itself.

All power is from withing and is therefore under our own control.
- Robert Collier

Most come from dysfunctional homes. That's called so what. The real what is what are you going to do now?

You are the designer of your destiny. The pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose.

Begin where you are. Think and generate within yourself a tone of happiness and the universe will respond.

Break free from hereditary patterns, cultural pattens, etc.

Whether you think you can or you can't, either way, you are right.
- Henry Ford

The Secret to Life
You make your own purpose. The mission is the mission you give yourself.

If it ain't fun, don't do it. ;)

Inner happiness is the fuel of success.

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.
- Joseph Campbell

Your bliss becomes contagious.

The last frontier is mind.

You are born to add value to this world, to simply be the best you can be. Every single thing you've been through, encountered is to prepare you for this moment right now. Imagine what you will do from this day forward from what you now know! How will you seize the moment?

Who you are, what you do, begins right now.

The moment you begin to think properly, the something that is within you this power within you that is greater than the world, it will begin to emerge it will take over your life. It will feed you, it will clothe you, it will guide you, protect you, direct you, sustain your very existence, if you let it.

Meat Fried Meat with Meat Sauce

A Vegas buffet is very revealing about American tastes in food. Over 200 feet of edible products and it's not an exaggeration to say that there's some kind of meat in nearly every product! I know, because I had a very hard time finding veggie fare... so hard in fact, I had to resort to asking the chefs to make food fresh for me (which there were happy to do).

Turns out, the same chef who got me meat-free veggies also was the omlette chef. He sympathized, but thought I was being a bit hypocritical about eating eggs. "So, no meat except for chickens?"

"Huh? Chickens?"

"Yeah, you're eating eggs!"

So I explained to him that the eggs we eat were not in fact, chickens, nor would they ever be. Not chicken fetuses, not future chickens even, no, edible eggs are unfertilized eggs. Now, I admit, eating cooked fluids from the insides of a bird don't sound that appealing, but at least no animals were destroyed in making my omlette. That's like saying drinking cow's milk is like eating steak. Both are fluids used by mothers to nurture future animals, but we aren't killing the mother.

Of course, the living condition of these animals gives me pause, so we also try to limit intake of the products, but when I'm grazing in a place where animal meat excess is the norm, I figured it was okay to indulge in a little chicken uterus juice (mixed with spinach, red peppers, bell peppers, onions, and some cow breast juice).

When in Rome, right?

Besides, a good sushi roll might contain hundreds of unfertilized fish, so what's a few unfertilized birds among friends? Oh, and don't get me started on fruit being the sex organs of plants! ;)

Rules To Live By

I have a theory that life can be most fulfilled by following and applying a small set of rules, perhaps no more than five, to every circumstance.

Right now, I only have three.

For every situation, encourage a positive outcome.
(2008)

See the beauty (God) in everyone and everything.
(2007)

Leave places better than you found them.
(2006)

This last one might be more of a procedure than a rule, and since it doesn't apply to every life situation, I won't include it as a rule. Nevertheless, seems like good advice.

Every time life offers a lesson, write it down.
(2008)

I suppose it goes without saying that if you encounter the same lesson more than once, then you should try a little harder to apply it.

Miracle Of Life

Evolving from the bottom of the sea to land, to air, to space... isn't it all the same thing?

From single-cells, to fish, to fish with lungs, and then limbs, to reptiles, then mammals and us... our history leaves me in awe.

From lifeforms that turn sunlight to energy, to ones who turn the latter into energy, and to ones who turn those into energy! Nevermind lifeforms that need not sunlight- they turn sulfuric acid into energy. How can life not be elsewhere?

So what I'm high... it's 4-20! ;)

Bill Maher Is Going To Hell

Bill... you gotta enlighten yourself and drop the bit about otherwise intelligent people believing in talking snakes; it demeans your intelligence! Please, let me, as a scientist, present some facts in a way that a logical, rational man like yourself can hopefully accept.

• Hell is literally 50 miles below us. We float on a ginormous ball of fire - so big and glowing so long as to be close enough to be infinite and eternal to pre-21st century minds.
• Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. You are the composed from the product of ashes from this fire, millions of years' worth of dead organic matter, and water. You will return to this same dust.
• Heaven is through us. Jesus Christ said Heaven is through him, but it is accepted by the church that Christ can be found in each of us. Meditation gurus, Buddhists, and Taoists know that in order to become enlightened, we must also first look within ourselves. Whether you call that inward direction analysis seeking God or Jesus, following your Tao, or meditation, the process is the same no matter what you call it. When you get to the summit, dismount your donkey. It matters not how you got there... it matters you are there.
• Creation myths are difficult to accept. Because we don't have the language to describe the insights achieved through spiritual meditation or deep intellectual thought, they are often difficult to grasp and lend themselves to what seem logically impossible things. Which is harder to believe... at some point a snake could communicate (as one animal to another still can today) or that the whole of creation - the Earth, the solar system, the Universe was contained on the head of a pin? We don't even have models of physics which explain the later, yet this is what is commonly believed! Would not angels dance on such a pinhead?
• The Bible's stories are not incompatible with science's stories. Evolution could be the biological process manifest from the will of God. Before the big bang, there was nothing until something (we don't know what) said, "let there be light!"Science has more unexplained than it has explained, and to guide that gap in knowledge, the best we have is the word from our ancient fathers... which must have some levels of truth to survive this long. (Do you think your show will be in the public consciousness 10,000 years from now?)
• Being spiritual does not mean believing dogma in lieu of the meaning of the message. Nor is it wise to understand the text literally in a context far removed from its creation.
• Our most gifted and famous scientists were not atheist, evidenced by a lifetime of their writings and quotes. The scientists most responsible for enlightening our world believed in some sort of God. Some of my favorites include
• Blaise Pascal: "There are two kinds of people one can call reasonable: those who serve God with all their heart because they know him, and those who seek him with all their heart because they do not know him."
• Albert Einstein: "I believe in Spinoza's God who reveals himself in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a God who concerns himself with the fates and actions of human beings."
• Newton: "It is the perfection of God's works that they are all done with the greatest simplicity. He is the God of order and not of confusion. And therefore as they would understand the frame of the world must endeavor to reduce their knowledge to all possible simplicity, so must it be in seeking to understand these visions."

Please, continue to be funny, but use your powers for good... make fun of human folly from politicians and entertainment artists, but don't spread seeds of disrespect toward a creator. Whether to you the Bible is a history book, the word of God, or a children's book matters not, for all are true, but please understand that your views and opinions, like it or not, will shape the minds of millions.

The more science tells us about our world, the more in awe I personally become from the miracle of life. If more people understood this, surely it would go a great way toward making this planet truly Heaven on Earth.

LOR Logic

I'm not a big Tolkien fan, though I thank Peter Jackson for making available to me his beautiful animated illustration of the Lord of the Rings, without which, my knowledge of hobbits would be greatly diminished. Anyway, there's a line from Arwin to her father, speaking about a vision of the future they've seen where she marries Aragorn, the king of men.

In the vision, she and he have a child. Her father, fearing the Middle-Earth equivalent of Armageddon, wishes her to leave on the last of the elfin space ships, which just happen to look like normal sea-faring vessels except for the warp drive, hidden below deck. Clever creatures, those elves!

Fearing her father is right, she almost leaves, but along the way, she suddenly realizes a fundamental truth about divination... though the odds are short for her vision to come true, one thing is certain: if she leaves, there will be no chance she and Aragorn will wed and have a child.

So... internalizing... even when all the odds are against you, you can't win if you don't play. Haha, I should write slogans for lotteries!

I know this is my year for the WSOP. I can't afford a ticket, but if I'm at least out in Vegas, that only brings me closer to my dream and closer to (now unseen) opportunities to get in the game. One thing is for certain: if I'm not in Vegas come July, there's no way I'll make the final table.

Working Weekend

Narrowing life down to Italy or Vegas. Italy represents a new life of unscripted adventures, while Vegas pretends to hold at least a glimmer of professional respectability.

Each choice would be consistent with my prior residence history. Every house I've owned or flat I've rented was either next to sin or salvation. After leaving Georgia (where I lived across the street from two malls), I lived across the street from a church, above a sex shop, across the street from a strip club/brothel, across the street from a church, then across the street from another church, then above a poker hall.

Thus, Italy, the home of the Pope seems a logical choice as does, Vegas, the city of sin!

If Italy, then I will most likely sell everything I own (again) and take what money is left and travel the world with just a suitcase, living day-to-day, taking whatever opportunities arise until I find myself a new home. I giggle at how many people who know me must think this insane.

Vegas holds a few more options:

• Poker
• Consulting/Programming
• Cocktail Waitress
• Escorting

I giggle again at how many people must think this insane. I can hear them now ... a Ph.D. and you'd consider being a bar maid or prostitute? Haha. Yes!

At this point, any sane person thinking these things must come to the conclusion that I've gone completely bonkers. I prefer the term "enlightened." You can keep your 9-5 and all that materialistic crap. You can even have my material possessions if you like! You can't take it with you, you know! Plus, the things you own end up owning you!

So once again, I stand on the brink of two dualities, comfortable in either realm: materialistic excess, and simplistic living...

Around The Smalltown World

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? If there was nothing tying you down, no kids, no job, no home, no family... where would you go?

I felt it was always a dubious decision to move from smalltown Indiana to smalltown Georgia. Athens feels just like Muncie. (To be fair, Bloomington might be a better comparison.) If I had hesitations before, now there is no doubt: Georgia is out!

Why? A friend had offered her place to stay while I regrouped, but last night I learned that she was not going to be around, as in, not living in Athens. The house is like, over a mile away from the nearest gas station, and I never did see a grocery store, so riding the bus everyday in the Georgia heat? Ugh! Plus, she's pushed back the move-in date so that I'll have nowhere to stay for nearly two weeks after I'm out of here. Bummer. If she really didn't want me to stay there, but wanted me to make that decision for her, I'd give her an A+... these two events make what seemed like a safe haven no better than here. Worse, actually. I was really looking forward to being the lady of the house, cooking, cleaning, and generally taking care of her. So that's a bummer.

Maybe it's time to apply some gorilla warfare tactics to my life. Life is hard, I'm soft; lesson is that I'm flexible. Life is jobless with no home; lesson is I'm free. Assuming I shell out $120 for a year's worth of climate controlled storage (a tiny little lot) then I am now quite mobile. Conclusion: life is telling me that now is the time to travel. Pack up the office, fit everything you own into a 4x4x4 space and move on!

Okay, but where? Someplace familiar? Someplace where kind friends are? I've been meditating on this for the past two days. Some might say I've been sleeping 14 hours a day, others might say I've become depressed. Sometimes I do my best thinking unconscious. (It's a meditation trick... perhaps now I'll have more time to develop it!)

Italy keeps popping up on the radar. Never been. A soul mate met in London has offered a bed... she lives in, you guessed it, small town Italy. LOL.Wouldn't mind the crash course in fashion! Would love to see the history. I have no idea how I'd earn a living, but I'd enjoy learning Italian. Please please please let my passport go through without a hitch!

Wales might be an option. I have an academia friend from ... you guessed it ... small town Wales who might be able to get me a research or teaching job there. The campus is beach-side... Of course, he doesn't know about my transition, and that might be a hurdle.

There's always Vegas. Poker is an option. Plus, I could meet someone, or make an opportunity there. And, if poker fails me, Vegas would be a good city to make a living as a transsexual escort. Of course, for that, my breasts might need to grow a bit more first.

I'm also trying to get a job teaching, but 3 weeks is not a lot of time to find a job, and with no permanent address...

Finally, I swear I connected with the mind of one who once told me he'd be there for me if ever I needed him. Spooky. On the one hand, he's hurt me before. On the other, I can't imagine anyone better to help medicate myself though this crisis... I've not had fun like I've had with him, and I sure could do with some laughs.

Summary:

• Italy/? - Life unscripted, 100% new experiences, old flames
  
• Wales/Research - Life re-attempted
  
• Vegas/Poker/Escort - Life unscripted, w/no net, but familiar
  
• ?/Teaching - Life resumed
  
• D/Party - Life enjoyed, contemplated
  

Sigh. More mediation required. Maybe one more day... no one's knocking down my door to do stuff anyway.

ToDone List

Some people keep a ToDo list to remind them of tasks and chores that need completing. Most of these people derive satisfaction from marking out completed items from that list. Some people even take list making to the extremes and create a ToDo list for every aspect of their lives. I'm one of those people.

I've had the above list on my ToDo list for nearly four years now; everything hinged on the psychological barrier of realizing who I am and finding the confidence to be her. Everything else after that hinged on the name change.

I've come to realize that making lists is a great way to overcome stagnation in one's life. Often times there is so much that needs doing, yet we feel overwhelmed or worse, disinterested. My experience has shown that when this happens, there's usually one unfinished task that is holding up the start of all the others. Finishing that one task usually results in a tidal wave of new task completions.

So yeah, the flood gates are open... both a new social security card and a new passport were applied for today. Now all that's left is the waiting. The day my new passport comes, I'll create a new bank account in my new name, and then finally, the company, and then I'll be able to remove one list on my global ToDo list that has been over four years in the making... won't that feel good!

Keeping Score

Maslow's chart shows the priority of needs for humans. The higher needs in this hierarchy only come into focus when the lower needs in the pyramid are satisfied. Thus, whatever problems you think you have in life, if water suddenly is gone, finding water will dominate your thoughts.

So how are we doing?

• Psysiological: I think we've finally got this level covered!
• Safety: rut-roah, needs some work. No job, no home, no resources. Ouch!
• Love/Belonging: isolated from family, craves touch, friends try to understand. Need work here too.
• Esteem: not too bad here, considering. There's something to be said for achievement!
• Self-actualization: looking good!

Ironic the top and bottom are the ones most developed. Am I just a shell of a person? Am I unlovable?

Well, we'll deal with the safety issues first, and then work on the love/belonging. Probably easier to get friends with a job, house, and money than without anyway.

Sustenance

Enjoying food is one of my favorite pleasures. People around here think you can't eat healthy and have good taste, but I completely disagree with them. Other people think you can't eat vegetarian and have a healthy diet; I disagree with them too! My diet is filled with delicious, healthy, balanced, and meat-free foods... mostly fruits, nuts, and veggies.

I'll make my meal choices based on what my body is craving. If I'm in need of protein, I'll pick a meal high in protein. Same goes for carbs and fat. There's not a lot of fat in my diet, so that means I can splurge whenever the occasion presents itself, hence the chocolate.

It wasn't easy creating a healthy menu in what feels like the fast-food capital of America, but after a while, I soon found all the healthy choices in the local supermarket, and this is what I came up with.

Breakfast:

• 8oz pressed fruit (from a selection of: oranges, bananas, apples, mangoes, pears, raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, pineapple)
  
• 1 slice toasted cinnamon raisin bread

Lunch:

• Spinach salad (spinach, broccoli, carrots, red onions, cucumbers, currants, sesame seeds, croûtons, fat-free tomato dressing)

Snacks (one of the following):

• Red pepper hummus w/pita bread
• Jalapeño potato chips
• Mandarin oranges
• Peaches
• Pears
• Chocolate chip cookie
• Chocolate
  

Dinner (one of the following):

• Burrito (seasoned rice, black beans, hummus, red peppers, spinach), low-fat tomato tortilla
• Chat choley (garbanzo beans, veggies, tomatos), basmati rice
• Pav Bhajl (veggies, tomatos), basmati rice
• Steamed noodles, veggies (green beans, red peppers, water chestnuts, cashews), soy-ginger sauce
• Herbed veggies (broccoli, carrots), basmati rice, cashews
• Teriyaki veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots), basmati rice, cashews
• Szechuan veggies (broccoli, water chestnuts, sugar snap peas, red peppers), basmati rice, cashews
• Rotini pasta, spicy tomato sauce, garlic bread
• Spicy seasoned tuna, Ritz crackers
• Seasoned red potatoes, peas
• Minestrone soup, peanut butter sandwich
• Vegetable soup, Ritz crackers, cashews
  

Yes, cashews are my main protein/fat source! Dinner is obviously where I get the bulk of my variety. This may sound odd, but I find it comforting looking forward to the same meals for breakfast and lunch. Always have, probably because I grew up so often not liking what was served for lunch.

The average cost for breakfast is around $20/week, or $3/day. If I'm out, I'll spend that at McDonald's on a McSkillet Burrito (minus sausage, minus cheese) and an OJ. Average cost for lunch is around $14/week, or $2/day. Average cost for dinner varies but is around $5-6/day. Beverages are around $7/week, or $1/day. Snacks are around $21/week, or $3/day.

So no, it ain't cheap; around $15/day or $450/month. On the other hand, if you order by number at a fast-food restaurant, you'll spend $4-$8 per meal, which is easily the same amount per day. Or, you could just eat one meal a day at a nicer restaurant for the same amount.

I like my menu better. If I lived near high-quality, cheap sushi, I'd eat that 4-5 times a week for dinner, but other than that, I wouldn't eat out much. Maybe an occasional visit to the local Thai, Indian, Punjabi, Lebanese, Egyptian, or Moroccan restaurant, but they don't exist around here either, and anyway, I'd rather learn how to make those foods for myself.

Maybe you noticed that my diet is 99% vegan (non-animal, non-dairy), but I don't eat vegan, as most do, for moral/ethical reasons, rather I choose a vegan diet because of the long-term health benefits of doing so. (And so should you!) I'm not vegetarian (non-meat) or pescatarian (vegetarian+fish) either. I'll still eat a choice cut fillet mignon (cooked medium) at good steakhouse if I'm taken there, and I'll savor every bite. But save sushi, I rarely eat meat, and except for chocolate and ice-cream, I never eat dairy, even though I craved it while I was still growing bones!