Lady J, Muncie is not so different from Dallas... and I am learning. I am shutting out those who don't support me... but I will be there when I can support them. I am learning to fight back... but I am also learning how to avoid attacks altogether. I don't deserve the harassment... but their words can no longer hurt me. I don't deserve the day-to-day degradation, but it reflects their insecurity, not mine.
a man is screaming
faggot
he gets closer
in my face
queer
he gears his fist back to take a swing
and i run.
as i’m running
i’m thinking that perhaps i deserve this.
perhaps when i’m in line at papa john’s, i deserve death threats.
perhaps when i’m in the parking lot of wal-mart, i deserve bottles being thrown at me.
perhaps when i’m visiting my family, i deserve being locked out of their car and left behind.
so much screaming. from strangers to family. so much hatred for what i was growing up to be.
because i was queer, because i defined my own happiness.
...
i learned to surround myself with love and to shut out the people who didn’t support me.
i learned to fight back when being attacked.
i learned that i didn’t deserve the chasing, the harassment, the day to day degradation.
Finally, at last... I am enjoying confusing the normals! I am enjoying making men question their own sexuality because they find me sexy. I am enjoying women taking their beauty cues from me. I will enjoy confronting those small minds, and I will enjoy being a positive role model for trans-women and -men everywhere.
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