On My Family
My family, bless them, is one, ginormous redneck drama fest worthy of reality TV or Springer. That's not to say I don't love them, but theirs is not my world. Enter the father, currently in jail for not paying child support, but as it turns out, not for smoking pot (on school grounds) with his soon-to-be expelled 15-year old pregnant daughter. She just doesn't care about school because it's not her world. Trouble is, she's physically and verbally abusing her depressed, agoraphobic mother. Her seven- and nine-year old girls sleep and live on dirty floors and are lucky to change their underwear more than once a week. Imagine camping, but in a house and you might get an idea of their world. They don't seem to mind, although the oldest brother got as far away as he could, moving out at 15, and believe it or not... going to college on a football scholarship. He's the black sheep in an otherwise wholly uneducated family living in abject poverty, but refusing to work because the government will keep paying them to breed.
And that's just my mom's sister's family! But what about my family? I'm looking for a new word... maybe you can help?
They try my patience so. Estrogen is changing my body, I am going through puberty, I style my hair, wear makeup, heels, and pass more often as a genetic girl than boy. My parents know I am changing my name and my gender- have for over a year now. Last night, my parents watched me (as described above) create a similar female character on their Wii. They watched me name her Clio, and use her to bowl with them.
They still refuse to call me Clio or use feminine pronouns.
They don't even try.
They still want me to fix their computer though.
On My Research
The world of academia and business are very far removed. In academia, the sharing of ideas is encouraged, while in business, intellectual capital is to be guarded. I left academia because business took hold of university research. First labs, then entire schools were outfitted with hardware from IBM, Sun, Silicon Graphics, et. al., equipped with the latest software from Microsoft. In exchange, said companies were invited first-hand to come and steal all the brilliant work of the unsuspecting students. The students, lured by the promise of a research job at a big corporation, are all too willing to intellectually put out, so to speak.
I don't care who you are, as a grad student, you can't compete with someone like Microsoft once they grok your idea. You have classes to study for and a life to otherwise maintain. They have 100 people for everyone one of you. It's the opposite of Nike, it's Nikan't. Just can't do it. I've seen Microsoft Research, I've given talks there... once your idea is out, if it's good, you're out.
So I left academia, and recognizing the value in my ideas, stopped publishing. I started doing my own research on my own time, but you've heard about that. For those that think I just talk a lot of talk, here's a quote from a BBC article posted today about a Microsoft researcher's work:
For example Gordon Bell, a researcher at Microsoft, is working on a project called MyLifeBits which aims to digitally store "a lifetime's worth of articles, books, cards, CDs, letters, memos, papers, photos, pictures, presentations, home movies, videotaped lectures, and voice recordings"
The latest version of the project also allows him to capture phone calls, instant messenger transcripts, television, and radio to build up a virtual surrogate memory of his life.
Sound familiar? I gave a talk at MSR in 1998 where we were showing off our ability to mass preserve lectures (using software I wrote). Yes, I was whoring out my work, but then without the makeup and skirt. I said then that not only could we preserve every class one took, but also every correspondence and media stream. I said it because I believed it, and I believed it because I was doing it!
And you thought I was just crazy, scanning all my books and notes! You didn't realize I was doing the same work as top researchers at Microsoft, ay? Gordon went about it from the other direction though, digitizing first the stuff that wasn't ephemeral, i.e., current digital information. That's why I'm doing my books and paper notes after I was already capturing all things digital... a book's the same if I scan in now or then. Probably faster and higher quality if I wait, actually. Plus, I only recently gained access to my old notes and books.
The idea to digitally preserve a lifetime of memories wasn't mine. It wasn't Gordon's either. It wasn't my advisor's, it even wasn't Arthur C. Clarke's, but rather the idea belongs to a man named Vannevar Bush... from a time before computers! Google 'Vannevar Bush Memex' and you just might find a paper or two written by me or a former student of mine that cites Vannevar as inspiration! ;)
On Ego
I always have amazing drug trips in Vancouver. The last one was with this guy's posse where I was hallucinating (!) from smoking this guy's private stash (fer real!). I totally had a transcendental experience with Becky, who unwittingly was a guide in my vision quest.
Sometimes, with premature enlightenment, there is time of confusion where the mind reels from all that it has seen. The wise stay calm, but as I was then ungrounded, for a moment, I kinda lost it, which kinda freaked her out. Well, what freaked her out was this: I was looking into her soul at a spirit very dear to me which manifested itself as an old friend. Becky could have been her twin, but didn't appreciate my comment about this.
When I realized the connection was one-way, my tripping auto-pilot made a course correction, and all was well, and she understood, since she worked for people who smoked the best dope in the Western hemisphere. But still I felt ... compelled to express to her what I couldn't in my current condition, so later, I wrote her this song, and gave it to her as I drove out of Canada.
The ego resents it might not be unique,
"I am me, I am myself, I am no other,
It is an insult to deny me my mystique!"
But some people- some spirits- some consciousnesses
are so powerful, they are more than they appear.
Such a shame to not mind the coincidences!
God is everywhere at once, as are some sages.
Buddha, Moses, Jesus, Mohammad, some saints too.
Enlightenment of thought passed on through the ages.
We can't be everywhere, but some exist in twos
Threes, and even more material projections
Becky, perhaps such a spirit exists in you!
A connection once made exists throughout all space,
time, and life; have I met you before you met me?
Why could it be you did not recognize my face?
In the spirit within you, I see an old friend,
A welcome enchantment on this traveler's quest,
I bid you farewell, until we shall meet again.
I haven't yet recorded the music, and the lyrics needs some work, but this was before meeting Ms. Meltzer and learning how to better write for songs.
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