OUCH!

It took two days, but I did something I never could have imagined doing earlier in my transition... I epilated - pulled out hair by the root - my entire face!

Worst pain ever.

I first started epilating way back in 1999, though then it was just tweezing out the hairs around my nipples. Hairy chests were okay, but a smooth nipple area makes for happy nibbling.

Eventually, I bought a machine which looked like a normal electric razor to epilate my legs. The shins didn't hurt. Knees were kinda painful, but the upper legs hurt like hell. Inner thighs was the worst pain ever... until I did my belly. Ouch! That was the worst pain ever... until I did my chest! Arms not so much.

That was then, and now, it actually feels good to epilate. The roots are no longer twice as large as the shaft, and so the the hair is thinner and comes out quite easily and with no pain. In fact, it feels like scratching an itch... almost pleasant.

Well, the idea is that if I can stick with the face long enough, epilating my face will be a pain-free way to keep my face baby smooth.

All this cause I can't afford any more laser hair removal, which when I first started became the new worst pain ever! I never thought I'd ever feel anything that hurt like that... it was like getting punched in the face over and over and over.

So, armed with the bravado, I figured, what the heck, I can get through this.

It wasn't easy. The first night I used the same trick I used when I first got to my belly and chest... get real drunk. Alcohol numbs just great. Getting high only makes you more sensitive and thus, makes it hurt more, but a good buzz helps. Finished almost 1/2 bottle of Disorono to get through most of my neck.

The trick I used was this... normally I'm on a 24-hour shave cycle, but 12 hours in, I started pulling out the hairs that grew quickly. I could do my whole face this way without too much pain. The pain comes from pulling out the hairs in quick succession, and from the hairs that require more than one tweeze to get tugged out.

So, I'd epilate, wait an hour, epilate, wait an hour, epilate, wait an hour, and I could only hold out one more time. The rest would have to be shaved in Milwaukee. Still, I had managed to pull out an impressive amount of hair.

This time, however, I had full-on hair growth; 36 hours into my cycle and 24 hours after the first session. All hairs on my face were exposed. I started from the bottom of the neck and almost an hour later I had about 50% of the neck done. Awful pain, and unfortunately, it was to be the 50% of the neck that hurt the least!

Determined, I continued, taking breaks ever now and then because it just hurt that much. Of course, during the breaks, I'd still tweeze like mad, pulling out hairs one at a time. This method doesn't hurt, but ... it's awful slow. I would first do a quick sweep on an area to get the pain receptors warmed up and then bring in the epilator for mass uprooting.

The sides of the cheeks were pretty easy going; finishing the neck was hard, but drawing on my awesome ability to endure pain, I persevered. Under the chin was the new worst pain ever until I got to the upper chin, sides of chin, and then the lip area.

I don't think this would be possible for someone who hasn't already lost the majority of their hair due to laser removal or electrolysis - there's just too much hair on the face and it's just too thick and the face is just too sensitive. Took me over two hours to get through the face and 12 hours later, the chin area still hurts.

But, my face is smoother than I've ever felt it. Smoother than with shaving, sanding, Nairing, you name it. I'm already addicted to having a smooth face. Plus, with nearly 3/8" of hair under the skin gone, my face is oh so much brighter and whiter, if just a bit temporarily red and barely swollen.

When they said beauty is pain, this must have been what they were talking about!

The alternative? A really good story about how to kill hair can be found here.