End Of The World (As We Know It)

Things are not looking good. I could not afford to rent a car for another month because my prescriptions needed renewing. Continue developing into a woman or have wheels. It was an easy choice. True, that means I'm a bit tethered to this little oasis in Vegas- but it's such a nice oasis! Wonderful pool, great home, great roomie.

On the up side, I had just secured income to stay there + food for the next 4 months... plenty of time to get another client (and get paid by another client) so that I could get a car. A temporary speed bump, I gathered, but nothing too severe.

Then came the winds. Target is having problems filling my prescription... seems like my doctor's fax is on the fritz and I'll have to wait till after the 4th holiday to take care of that. Means a long and dangerous bike ride to Target, but c'est la vie! I remained upbeat.

Then, annoyed by my sharing of an exciting first-ever life experience during Frasier re-runs, my housemate goes Gwen Stefanie. There was no holla back, girl. He wants his space, so I spend the night outside, talking to friends, literally hanging out.

I remain upbeat.

Early morning comes and he's slamming doors over and over- what is going on? Another ominous text from him... I venture out for another verbal lashing. He's upset at me because he's having a rough time and all I've ever tried to do is be his friend. The only thing I can make out is to be his friend, you have to like exactly everything he likes, for he keeps saying that we like different things. No kidding we like different things, what's that got to do with you being upset at me, I wonder?

He starts to gets really pissed because I'm not engaging his anger.

The last time he told me to get out of his house - early and permanently - I made up my mind that I wasn't going to live in a place where my security was threatened each month. So this time, when he says, "I want you out at the end of the month!" I quickly and calmly replied this was fine; I don't want to live where I'm not wanted.

This infuriates him and he raises the stakes. "How about you get out by the end of this week?"

"Sure," I call his bluff, "if you refund my money I just paid you for rent." I'm thinking, heck with it, give me my rent and I'll just fly to Georgia or something.

He backs down and has been in standoff mode since.

So now, I need to find a place to live. But first I need a car to go to places. But first I need income. But first, I need to get paid by a client. But first I need a home to work in, so now I need to find a place to live. But first I need a car to get there. But first I need money...

I've got a couple hundred to my name and that is it. Nothing more.

And, to top it all off... I called my Doctor in Indy (on the last day of my prescription) only to find that HE'S NO LONGER THERE! Office closed and that's that. French Connection-United Kindom me!

So, in addition to all this no home, no car, no job drama, I got no meds AND no doctor, AND no money. This is not back to zero, it's below zero. Add to it that even in the best of times I've had to remain upbeat and postive while small-minded people reject me for who I am... well, you do the math.

I'm really, really scared. This feels like the end (says the girl who's many times contemplated the end).

HELP!

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?