Breakdown!

I can't find a solution. Less than a week to go and I got nothing that even "seems like a good idea at the time." Seriously starting to freak out! Moving to a desert at the start of the summer season seems like madness.

A friend said, "you'll get into survival mode, you'll know what to do."

Perhaps; but what if "survival mode" is telling you to give up? I feel like I got into survival mode back in London and haven't been able to get off Defcon 1. Oh wait, wrong decade, I meant "terror alert level: severe"

I'm not sure there's any more will left. I'm not sure I care about tomorrow. Even a plant needs a sunny day. For all my accomplishments, I can't help but feel I've failed miserably on the human front, and now, whether or not it be true, I feel like I'm facing a long, hard winter alone with no provisions.

Not everyone sees it this way. My friend used words like "enjoy" followed by "adventure." Practical optimism. It might work. Would an optimist going to hell at least enjoy the journey there? Would doing so stifle preparations and only make the final decent worse, or would such an act of faith redeem? Is it possible for the fervent to fear the path to heaven?

The possibility of complete and total collapse is now very real.

Well, I still have a dream and I've gone this far... no point in looking back now!