Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement l'oublier
Et puis je fume
-- Sympathique, Pink Martini
Roughly translated:
I do not want to work.
I do not want to have lunch.
I only want to forget.
And so I smoke.
This sums up almost exactly my feelings regarding my social life. You're probably thinking I'm a stoner or something, but the past few weeks have been rough socially and work-wise. I say, almost exactly, because I can smoke... what I want more is to smoke with someone.
But, alas, since I came out in 2007, those opportunities have withdrawn. I think I now make people too uncomfortable- get this- by just being me. Whereas before, people treated me as a freak they didn't understand, now people just seem to treat me as a freak they don't want to understand. Can you believe it? Someone as innately loveable as lil 'ol me?
Now don't get me wrong, I didn't expect to find support, coming out in MidWest America. In fact, I expected lots of hatred. The good news is that people seem to be genuinely unconcerned with Trans-folk, so long as they are beyond arms' length. What I didn't expect is this perceived alienation from friends and family.
I say perceived cause it could just be me. It *could* be... however, I can count the total number of phone calls I've received in the new year on one finger, and that ain't normal. So perhaps everyone just is super busy now. I'm sure no one is freaked out at all because everyone I know is so attentive to details, and I've only been slowly coming out now, for what, a year?
Whatever... so that's got this girl down, but we get through. We always do.
I now proudly wear my label of 'freak!'
We are freaks we are butch we are fem
We are freaks look at him look at them.
-- Freaks, Stephen Trask
Speaking of, check out this adorable little kitty! OMG, can you believe it? Unfortunately, 'Cy' only lived for a few days, poor thing... but she did live!
... and so do the rest of the 'freaks' like me. Even if the phone forgets to ring.
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