The Filles!

OMG! How could I not have known such a thing existed!

There I was, image-fishing on the web for a tri yin-yang (like this), when I came across a page that also had this movie poster... I was immediately attracted to it. It looked like it could be a musical! Gasp! A Gene Kelley movie I haven't seen? Whee! And Cole Porter wrote the music? Squeal! He's my favorite composer (he lived in Indiana too). And Mitzi Gaynor too! Not to mention it's a Sol Siegel production of an MGM film... what's not to love?

Unless you're like ... straight. I wouldn't know what straight people do for fun.

My First 9/11...

Today is the anniversary of the Challenger space shuttle disaster. I consider this to be my generation's first '9/11' experience, that is, our first collective memory of an event unfolding live on world-wide TV.

I wasn't alive when the Beatles played on Ed Sullivan, and I wasn't alive when John Kennedy was shot, but I hear that if you were alive during those events, you remember exactly what you were doing while they happened (in contrast to say, knowing what you did the day or week before/after.)

But I was alive when faulty O-rings caused Challenger to explode itself into millions of pieces, killing instantly the shuttle crew of seven. One of them was to be the first school teacher in space. I am sure their loss is still felt today and my heart goes out to their families.

Back at home, at Wilson Middle School, 7th grade, we had canceled classes in order to watch the launch. CNN was not around yet, but this kind of event got full media coverage by all three (3!) networks, so we could watch it over the airwaves at school.

Believe it or not, we even had a competition science fair where one lucky winner got to go down to Florida and watch the launch live! I'm not sure, but I think Muncie was selected for this special honor because of Ball Corp. and their role in manufacturing the heat-shield tiles used for shuttle re-entry.

1/29/2006: Update from my friend...

I actually got 8th place the first 7 got to go to Florida... I was the first alternate.... So I got to participate in everything except the actual trip.

It was called the Ball Corp Space Challenge Program...the plan(back those Naive days) was that the prize in future editions of the contest would be an actual flight into space onboard the shuttle.

All of that changed after it blew up... in fact they cancelled the whole program. However... I love the Blues Brothers picture... it is extraordinarily cool

For some reason, I didn't participate in this event, and I don't remember what I did instead, but I do remember my what my friend (then arch-nemesis) did... he wrote a computer program (in 5th grade) which taught maths skills... more or less. You see, a problem was shown on the screen, say 5+7, along with a launching shuttle, and if you got the right answer to the problem before time ran out, the shuttle launched... but if you got the answer wrong... well, I think this is where we go into the vagueness of 7th grade humor and invincibility, mixed in with a colossal cosmic dash of irony. If you got the answer wrong, the shuttle blew up shortly after it launched.

Unsurprisingly, in retrospect, he didn't win and a project of lesser skill and talent (although perhaps a bit more taste) won. In the end, the selected students didn't get to see the lift-off... they went down to Florida, but the launch was delayed several times and they had to come home before.

You mind the coincidences. While I can't say these were auspicious signs, the events made me take notice in a whole new way that kid who wrote that program. He's still in my life, and in many respects, we're still those same kids we were at Wilson middle school...

Later that year, we became friends and performed a skit featuring the Blues Brothers. It was a smash hit and cemented our friendship.


And that's how an 11-year old goes from the biggest national tragedy in their life to their biggest friend.

Stephen Trask Is A Musical Genius

Great lyrics, great music!

On Love:

But I could swear by your expression that the pain down in your soul was the same as the one down in mine. That's the pain, cuts a straight line down through the heart; we called it love. (Origin of Love)

On being a post-op transsexual:

When I woke up from the operation I was bleeding down there. I was bleeding from the gash between my legs. My first day as a woman, and already it’s that time of the month! (Angry Inch)

On perseverance:

Forgive me, for I did not know. 'Cause I was just a boy and you were so much more than any god could ever plan, more than a woman or a man, and now, I understand how much I took from you. That, when everything starts breaking down, you take the pieces off the ground and show this wicked town something beautiful and new. (Wicked Little Town)

On being transsexual:

I look back on where I'm from, look at the woman I've become, and the strangest things seem suddenly routine. (Wig in a Box)

On healing:

Breath. Feel. Love. Give. Free. Know in you soul, like your blood knows the way from you heart to your brain, know that you're whole. (Midnight Radio)

On moving from London to Muncie:

'Cause with all the changes you've been through, it seems the stranger's always you. Alone again in some new wicked little town. (Wicked Little Town)

Two Songs, One Eye, and No One (to talk to)

Chorus of the minute:

Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement l'oublier
Et puis je fume
-- Sympathique, Pink Martini

Roughly translated:

I do not want to work.
I do not want to have lunch.
I only want to forget.
And so I smoke.

This sums up almost exactly my feelings regarding my social life. You're probably thinking I'm a stoner or something, but the past few weeks have been rough socially and work-wise. I say, almost exactly, because I can smoke... what I want more is to smoke with someone.

But, alas, since I came out in 2007, those opportunities have withdrawn. I think I now make people too uncomfortable- get this- by just being me. Whereas before, people treated me as a freak they didn't understand, now people just seem to treat me as a freak they don't want to understand. Can you believe it? Someone as innately loveable as lil 'ol me?

Now don't get me wrong, I didn't expect to find support, coming out in MidWest America. In fact, I expected lots of hatred. The good news is that people seem to be genuinely unconcerned with Trans-folk, so long as they are beyond arms' length. What I didn't expect is this perceived alienation from friends and family.

I say perceived cause it could just be me. It *could* be... however, I can count the total number of phone calls I've received in the new year on one finger, and that ain't normal. So perhaps everyone just is super busy now. I'm sure no one is freaked out at all because everyone I know is so attentive to details, and I've only been slowly coming out now, for what, a year?

Whatever... so that's got this girl down, but we get through. We always do.

I now proudly wear my label of 'freak!'

We are freaks we are butch we are fem
We are freaks look at him look at them.
-- Freaks, Stephen Trask

Speaking of, check out this adorable little kitty! OMG, can you believe it? Unfortunately, 'Cy' only lived for a few days, poor thing... but she did live!

... and so do the rest of the 'freaks' like me. Even if the phone forgets to ring.

The Strangest Things Seem Suddenly Routine

It's surreal how moving to Muncie from London has dramatically changed my social network.

I mean, while in London, I regularly had occasion to hang out with some pretty extraordinary world citizens: heads of states, astronauts, performers, and some of the most brilliant minds and scientists of our day. This was my company. This was where I felt I belonged.

In Muncie, I get to have a cuppa joe with Wee Man.

In London, I watched David Soul give two amazing performances in "Jerry Springer, the Opera." In Muncie, I watched Eric Estrada arrest an 80-year old woman selling crack. I feel like I should go watch C.H.I.P.S. or something.

So... from mighty-men to moon-men to mini-men... "My life is such a freak show," said the half-man. Or was that half-woman? Or just half... woah, man!

Steve Jobs is Laughing at YOU!

From BBC, "Apple's 'magical' iPhone unveiled"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6246063.stm

Steve Jobs is selling hot air, and everyone is buying it as fast as they can. Apple creates/innovates/steals technology, makes it so that it can only be used in their Draconian fashion, colors it pretty, doubles the price, and then hypes it in a way that makes people want to buy it. And they do.

iPod. Give me a break, 20Gb mp3/video players were available for four years before Apple brought out the iPod. They were better then than what Apple offers now; however, Creative Labs and Archos were not the manipulators of public passion that Jobs is (credit where credit is due). He managed to convince people that what they really wanted (4 years ago) was a bigger, heavier device that could hold less songs smothered with Digital Rights Management (we aren't grown up enough to use our music the way we want to). Oh yeah, and it had to be White, cause, it like worked for the Beatles and all. And did I mention it connects easily to a pay-as-you-go service so that they can start making money off of artists and musicians as well?

C'est la vie. I remained smug, content in my knowledge that *I* wasn't throwing away my money on sub-par technology marketed to those who have more money than technological common sense.

I should say that I became smug rather than remaining such, but only after repeated failed attempts to enlighten others.

Case in point, I'm in the Apple Store in San Jose (after just spending the afternoon lunch in the lion's den - Apple HQ in Cupertino). I'm looking at a nice-looking (of course) sound system for the iPod. Plug and thump bass with two speakers. The issue? I'm looking all over for the technical specifications of this device.

I'm curious to see the frequency response for such a large subwoofer (how low can you go?), and curiouser still to see if there was any digital 'magic' (ie, filter processing) in the mix, since most media played on an iPod is roughly of radio quality.

I looked everywhere on the package to no avail. I then notice there aren't specs on any other audio devices they have. I finally get a poor guy to help me, but he can't find the information on their website. After we open up a package to find the answer (a paltry 60hz) the manager admits that most Apple consumers don't care about the technical specifications.

Hello? I'm sorry, but - work with me on this - it seems that if ever there was a time to care about 'the technical specs,' it would be when shopping for or buying technology!

Back to the article. Technology is not, capital EN, capital OH, capital TEE, in any sense of the word, MAGIC, yet this is precisely what Jobs wants us to believe given his incessant use of the word to describe his, ho-hum, overpriced telephone that can play mp3s and video.

It ain't magic; it's two-year old technology. If one were so inclined to have such a device years ago, one could, if one knew where to look.

So why does he call it magic? To make you think it's cool, duh. To make you think it's someone more advanced than you or modern technology. It ain't.

But let me be fair and address the 'magic' in question. The magic is in the way the software handles the new technology they are pushing... touch-sensitive displays. You know, the kind that have been on PDAs for over a decade? Only, these displays have a bit of a problem... they are susceptible to mistaken touches! You can "push a button" from merely holding the device!

So the technology is basically a faulty (by design) touch-sensitive panel. Big whoop. We've had those for years (he flat out lies when he says it's the most accurate one shipped). Jobs thinks so much of the PC-style desktop metaphor, that he thinks he's doing a noble thing by bringing it to touch-sensitive devices. His big innovation? You don't need a stylus... Erm... No. What you've done Steve, is you've worked really hard to mis-apply a metaphor to a phone.

But let's set that aside for now. What really astounds me is his claim that the interface is 'super-smart,' knowing difference when you accidentally press a button and when you intentionally press it.

In other words, the 'magic' is the operating system of the phone selectively either ignoring or processing your input based on whatever algorithms were programmed into it at Cupertino. In other words, the device has the power to veto your input!

I've used products with a similar interface. Hated it. Unless you're flying a Jet at Mach 3(where human reflexes are too slow), I don't see any reason why user input should be so complicated. You see, buttons have what we call 'affordances'. When was the last time you tried to pull a button? Probably never... that's because the button itself gives you clues on how to use it. It affords pushing. Now contrast that with how many times you've pulled a door when you should have pushed (or vice-versa). Some door knobs and handles, such as curved handles, afford pulling, while some, such as a flat plate, afford pushing. Others still are ambiguous, like a simple door knob. Do you know by just looking at it if the door opens or closes? That's affordance. The more you have, in theory, the easier your interface is to use.

But you see, what Jobs has done by putting a button on a flat screen is take a perfectly good button, and remove all of its physical affordances. Oh, he added some pretty graphics to the device, but um... your thumb is blind and relies on touch.

But Jobs wants pretty, and... wow, it sure is pretty... I want one!

But now we have to deal with the MANY limitations of the desktop metaphor (clicking on icons) on a touch-screen display. Not the least of which is unintended button presses from simply holding the device, which is why Apple has to make their device 'super-smart' in the first place. LOL

Psst- wanna know what's 'super-smart?' Not building a device that is prone to accidental touches which require unnecessary monitoring of the device to tell if it's being used or not.

Why spend good money on unnecessary technology? Ever?

It's a cell phone-mp3 player, not a health-care system. It doesn't need to be smart. It needs to make phone calls and play music/video. That's all. Any extra technology needed to accomplish these goals is the result of an inferior design. Full stop. But it sure is pretty!

Over a decade ago, when researchers discovered they could program more than computers... they could program environments ... people tried to build 'smart homes.' The idea is that if the home knew more about you and your habits, it could make like easier for you, turning on the lights automatically, regulating the AC/heating based on occupancy, automatically ordering food when stocks were low, etc.

I'll summarize my views then (as a researcher in the field) which are still the same: We don't need smarter light switches, we need smarter light switch designers and smarter light switch operators.

We don't need smart gadgets that try and compensate for poor design. What we need are gadgets that are smartly designed to work seamlessly with the real world (with us in it!)

Any device that limits your use of it or the media designed for it is ... wait for it ... BAD TECHNOLOGY. DON'T BUY IT!

But they won't listen to me... they've probably already bought an iPod mini, nano, and original, and they probably can't wait until July when they can buy at three times the price what we could get 2 1/2 years ago. But hey, this one isn't even white! Oh well, they'll just buy new iUpGrades in black.

I should end this by saying I don't hate macs or people who use them... some of my best friends... wait for it... are Mac users! But sometimes, I have dreams where I hear this guy!